Sunday, June 07, 2009

Visiting mother!

Well today was a horrible experience...the respite centre has been closed down for a few day, not allowing visitors because of a virus so tonight I went to see mum.
She did not recognise me at first - it took a few minutes for her to realise who I was. Then she started with the I want to die thing...I will die here if you leave me here.....I will only last three weeks!!!!
Lots of anger about why we left her there, that she knows that people are left to die in these places...
lots of lost words and lost thoughts....
just really wanting to go home.
She did not even know how to turn off her room lights and how to turn the tap on to pour herself a drink of water.
In the mean time, food was served and a lovely young fellow bought her food and tablets and then bought more food and a drink, making sure that she was able to eat it with me in her room rather than outside in the communal area.
I felt sorry for mum but the point is that she needs full time care at the moment and we cannot provide that for her - I tried to explain this, but it fell on deaf ears.
Outside, people wandered around in a shambolic way, men standing with bags - as if waiting to leave, ladies asking me if I was lost......awful.

Mum is just stuck in her chair, still feeling a lot of pain in her leg and hips not wanting to have anything to do with what is happening outside that door.
English..if I only knew English...
well mum, you had 50 years to learn...but that is a legacy of the migrant generation that arrived after the war...some of them "stayed at home" and only their bodies were here, certainly not their hearts or souls...

also the feeling of creeping souls escaping with me out that door was overwhelming..I wonder how many have died there wanting to escape, wanting to leave and in a way leaving with every departing family member who still is in the land of the living????
Kerry if you read this can you send me your email address - I have a few questions that I would appreciate running past someone with experience.....

8 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh Renata...this is so sad.

xxxx

Lisa said...

i sent Kerry's email address to you last week-check the rose cottage emails and i will send it again now.
and Michelle is right- this is so sad

wykd wytch said...

You probably did Lisa..excuse me for asking for it again..yes I think I know what the old christian purgatory is...you know when they say that you are between heaven and hell....I think dementia is it...the soul has definately left the building and the body is left say..."what the"....w.w.

jewell said...

yes so sad..my heart goes out to you hugs xxxx

Kerry said...

Dementia would have to be one of the most devistating diseases out there.

I can relate everything you say to so many things.

You need to get onto everyone you possibly can. Drs, social workers, ACAT, Community options....everyone possible, and tell them there is no way you can care for your mum at home. Keep pushing, don't take no or an answer.

Deaf ears are so common in aged care, but if you keep pushing, and demanding that you can't cope, you can't take her home, and that she desperatly needs care, eventually you will find someone who will listen.

So hard, i know. So frustrating. I know that too. But please, from somewhere, find some strenth to keep on that determined path.

There are beds out there in high care facilities, for those who need it.

This is so very sad, and i think Lisa gave you my email address. Don't hesitate to get in touch if there is anything i can do. Even if you just need a friendly ear or shoulder with someone who totally gets what your going through.

with love

Kerry

Anonymous said...

Thanks Kerry, tonight mum has said that she is leaving the facility tomorrow - I dont know about that as my brother who has power of attorney has not notified me of this change....I will speak to him tomorrow, otherwise, if she just "believes" that this is going to happen and it does not then all hell will break loose...she will unleash the dogs of hell onto us!!!!!Believe me she has done it before...I have lived a life full of guilt about what I should have done......w.w.

angela said...

This is a sad situation and one I know lots of people going through at the moment. My grandmother had dementia and she used to speak 3 languages, but now had reverted to the first one she learn't as a little girl. So now I cannot communicate with her. All we can do is be strong and send that strength to those that need it.
So I am sending you some.

Wendy said...

Thinking of you, Renata ♥