Tuesday, December 15, 2009

You know?



I really enjoyed this blog...it has been a way of connecting with friends and pretending I was savvy with a computer although I really only still know the very basics.

It has seen me share my husband's illness, my father's death and most recently my mums deteriorating health - huge milestones in my life that created massive change.

I have commented and read comments.

I have laughed and cried and wondered whether I have not bored everybody to death with it all.

But life has unravelled lately in a truely unexpected way and many bloggers who followed this particular blog of mine have closed down or blocked their blogs and it now just does not feel the same to continue.

For the sake of the one or two of you who are left that want to know what I get up to then please just call me on the phone or send me an email.

I will continue with my art site..blackdogartworks.blogspot.com where I will continue to post new art works and I will also be folding my other web site, www.witchybitz.com after Christmas and creating something different, maybe...or maybe not.

To all of you that still gave a shit - thanks, its been swell, I've had a wyrd time!


Web - of - Wyrd

Monday, December 14, 2009

End of year!

I had the most fantastic evening last night with my class.
It was our last evening for the year and let me tell you these girls are the best!
We had a little Christmas Party - I made my famous "little boys in underpants" ( dont ask ) and we had cake and biscuits and even Christmas Crackers with silly hats and even sillier jokes!

We talked about the story of the Christmas Tree, the history behind Carols, cards and more.

We shared, talked and discussed adding some things to the course.
I think we would have to have another class per week to fit it all in! But everything is do- able and even though we are grateful for the break, and we all certainly need it, we will look forward to get back into it.

Thank you girls for a great first half - I promise you lots of fun and more learning is ahead!

I will be heading down to visit mum and check out the new facilities and make sure that she has settled in - boy I can't wait ( not )...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Me and the Pope had a little chat..............( he he )








Funny about this, I have no Catholic based orientation anymore yet this lovely lady has always been dear to my heart.
If you have ever noticed my side bar, Mary has been sitting there for a while now, and we have been waiting patiently for another miracle to be officially recongnised.
well ITS HAPPENED!
YAY..................
she is going to officially be declared a SAINT!!!!!!!
HOW COOL IS THAT!
YOU GO GIRL!
DO I sound happy?
Indeed....she is very deserving and she is an Aussie!

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

My last pic for the year !





My last pic for the year my friends - finished this one yesterday.

I think that from the New Year I will only be posting new pics on my art web site - I feel that I am boring too many people with putting them here.

I think most people have defected to facebook anyway and blogging may well be becomming a dinosaur.
I dont do facebook or twitter ( although I may have to when my daughter moves away next year )I just feel that absolutely NO ONE would be interested in my life on a blow by blow basis and neither should they be!

All of you that enjoy that venture into cyber space - good luck and keep having fun.
My daughter says that its the way things are - easy to be in touch with just everybody. I get that, but there is also a part of me that says that we need to reserve some stuff just for ourselves.
I know, I AM OLD.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

mmmmm...not one bush to be seen!!!!!!

Ok folks whats going on?
If I have put mu bush out on public display I would think that you are all compelled to do the same!

BUSHES PLEASE!!!!!!


BTW...Happy birthday to my gorgeous girl Monika - a very determined, headstrong and stunning young lady who turned 25 today.Blessings and good luck with all that you have planned in 2010!

Sunday, December 06, 2009

"George" and Christmas Pug!












How difficult is it to put tinsel on a tree with a naughty Pug pulling at the other end?
Very!

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Well the old bush has come out again!

Spent today preening and decorating the old bush...
its standing in the corner staring back at me as I blog...in a place of glory - waiting for the lights to go on.

The old bush isnt what it used to be...bits now fall off when I try to get it all together, so I end up with a little bag of bits that can no longer be used ( mmm...a bit of a metaphor for life in general..) these need to go into the bin but for some reason I just store them away..like, I cant stick them back onto the main tree can I ....so whats that all about?

A few years back the old gang had a bit of bush envy going on with a photo shoot out of their special fancy, schmancy bushes taking pride of place in their homes.
So I am laying down the rubber glove!
So the challenge is on again...come on people !
Don't be shy....
show us your Christmas bushes!!!!!!!!!
Mine is not finished yet..but will be posted very soon!

By the way ....our bush is called "GEORGE"!

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!!

Thursday, December 03, 2009

JUST LOVE THIS ONE!

Am I boring you yet?
Still into these gorgeous horses....



Who pulled the plug?

I feel that I am melting today - headache and tiredness from an emotional few days.
But boy, did I know I was alive!
Sometimes when we get to those places where hurt or realisation comes to the surface it really allows us to put things into perspective.

Its a shit - but that's life - you dont always smell the roses, sometimes you have to clean the toilet too!

My family to me is sacred - I would kill to keep any of them from harm, without a doubt.
My friends are also my lifeline and they continually teach me to dig deeper and to push harder.
My beloved husband just allows me to do what I need to do and go where I need to go without ever telling me not to.I would be totally lost without him.

So yes, I KNOW that I AM lucky.
And I thank the Universe for all that I have ( except for the flabby bits!)

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The long kiss goodnight...

Today I left early to go visit mum in Sydney.
Traffic was bad and it took almost three hours to get there.
Mum has taken another slide down the rabbit hole and although she looked fine, clean, neat cared for it was very apparent that she had the attention span of a six year old.
She could only hold a thought for a moment and got very excited by my arrival. She wandered around and couldnt sit with me, looking for someone to tell something to but not being able to remember what it was that she was supposed to say. She would look at me and I could see her trying to put the puzzle together. She wandered in her mind from her teenage years to the war years to the early, early after her arrival in Australia.The here and now was something that was only visited for a minute at a time.
I asked staff how she was and was told that she has been causing problems with wandering in the middle of the night and embarrasing herself, staying in other people's rooms, taking their clothes and being inappropriate.
So a decision has had to be made to move her into a high care dementia ward.
Thank God that means only moving her down the hall and behind secured doors.
There the residents are all monitored and staff are trained to take care of dementia patients - where she is now is really still a general area and there are still residents there that have all their marbles, they are just old and frail.
This was very sad today.
I understand how Anchell feels - as much as you KNOW things are going to change for the worse you can NEVER be prepared enough for when you see it happen. There is always a part of you that wishes to remain ignorant in the hope that its just not going to happen, but it does.
Mum is a stranger to herself.
Whatever she believes is good enough for now - tomorrow things will be different and she will have forgotten again.
One day soon I will turn up and she will not know who I am, and when that happens it will be very, very sad, but it WILL happen and I will just have to come to terms with it.
The most important thing is that she is being taken care of, she is eating and seems to drift in and out of a frustrated way of being. She has no major complications with her health and that is a blessing.
Another day...another step into the darkness.

Monday, November 30, 2009

So close to Christmas and what am I doing at home?

This is such a surreal experience to actually be at home at this time of the year. Usually I am up to my armpits in calendars.
I am at loose ends, but enjoying it. I am cooking and getting fat from eating what Im cooking and cleaning the house ( sporadically )and painting.
I am reading a lot and spending time at the library. It occurred to me last night that I have been reading spiritual books ever since I have been about 17 years old - over thirty years of reading, yet I am learning more now than ever before.If I was studying to be a brain surgeon, I would have graduated and be specialising by now - yet with this stuff I feel that I have hardly even scatched the surface.
Its all about experiencing it, I guess, and I am out to try and get as much experience as I can - maybe I can still find my niche in all of this.

Tomorrow I am off to Sydney to see mum. I have got her perfume, deoderant , nail polish and nail poilsh remover - all the essentials that she has asked for!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Dust and more dust!

The dust is back - a thick cloud working its way into every small hole and crevass - up my nose and in my lungs. am keeping Maksimus the puggy inside today as he will seize up and pass out left outside in this weather. The old boy ( the living carpet husky dog ) is also flat out on the tiles being vewy, vewy qwiet.

Baby girl has gone to work - she is getting far more work than I have had lately, which is quite disconcerting considering she is only 15. At least it is only 5 minutes down the road to throw her in to work and pick her up ( she works at one of the major retailers down at Glendale - in airconditioning ).

My suggestion for us all today - stay inside, grab a movie and a cold drink and chill.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Equus continued...




Here it is.....difficult subject. White is not always white and cannot be in a painting so this was a good test.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Freaking hot and cleaning up!

What is possessing us to clean in this heat?
The man is working in the back yard - oh my God, the back yard is getting done...
and I am trying to fit a thousand pieces of paper from all my things that I do into some sort of a refined composition.
Impossible.
These papers, books, pamphlets breed when I am not looking and I have little piles of this and that in very spare corner of the house.
Its shitting me off - and I have no where to put my paintings.....
Plus, my big girl is coming home for a few weeks and I really need to organise some room for her too.....
so I can see a lot of burning and throwing out ......
it just has to happen.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Is this heat sending us all a bit Potty?

I am wondering whether this humidity and heat is sending anyone else around the twist or is it only me?
I went for a walk this morning and the sweat was flowing off me like a river in flood and it was only 8am in the morning!
I am busy organising spots for exhibits next year, so I am frantically calling up everybody who has wall space ( p.s. if you have a free wall at home I am likely to have you on my list he...he.. ). This then will keep me motivated and producing new works of art.
I am also into an new painting which features another horse ( I can hear Raihn groan from here )this one is a challenge as it is a white horse and it is bloody hard to paint white!
I am also highly into learning about the astral body and am reading a fascinating book written all the way back in 1928 which is making a lot of sense to me.

Tomorrow I will probably head to Sydney for a long overdue visit with mum and Friday I am off delivering paintings to my last art show of the year and then down to Maitland to visit the new Organic Feast shop.
Never a dull moment!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Developing my style....



I really love this painting. It is dynamic and I love the colours.
I have also tried to be freer with my painting.
What do you guys think?

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Are we hot enough yet?

I think so! Heaven help us all if this is a sign of what summer is going to be like!
I dont do heat very well...
Both of my doggies are inside in the air conditioning and with plenty of water.
I worry about all those that are sweltering away locked in a shed or on a leash in the back yard.
The man is relaxing today - it was his 'operation anniversary' yesterday. It has been three years since his successful prostate operation.
I have to travel to Lemon Tree passage shortly in this heat to pick up mu paintings from the exhibition. The Getz is a cool little car, good on fuel, but also like a mini sauna in the heat. The front window seems to direct and catch all the heat.
Maybe they should just place 100 Getz's side by side and they could act like a big solar panel?????Idea????Mmmm???
I am also working on a new painting, slightly different in style than my normal..I am liking it and will share with you all soon!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Our beautiful Leanne






This is a shot from Leanne's dawn wedding held last Saturday.
She looked gorgeous - I really hope that they had a magnificent honeymoon!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Two words - PAP SMEAR!

Have you had yours done recently?
Come on....get it done if you are due.
No excuses!!!!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

How can a tooth cost THAT MUCH!

Well, I had waited long enough and a visit to the dentist was long overdue.
Today was the day and I was hoping for good news but I had been living with a dodgy tooth for a while now.
It initially chipped but most recently the rest of the filling had actually started to move away from the rest of the tooth.
So in I went.
Ýes they could fix it...cheapest cost was $1800 plus a visit or two to the specialist to fix my gum first dearest was about $4000.
!!!!!!!!!
I chose to get it pulled out - that only set me back $270.
Really......

Monday, November 16, 2009

another horse..






Here is my latest completed artwork-still exploring horses, might keep tackling them for a few weeks yet, but would be interested to try some nudes...anyone care to model for me????

Saturday, November 14, 2009

2 weddings and a ghost tour - sounds like a movie?

Boy, all that partying has worn out this little black duck!
Our other wedding yesterday was very special - I am somehow drawn to the very private garden events. People get to have a say in their vows, in the way it is presented - it seems so much more personal and authentic.
After the ceremony in the couple's back yard we went to Nelson Bay Golf Club for the grand reception.
Such a beautiful place and driving through the back roads of Anna Bay made me wish I could own one of the little old houses that stud that road, the 'old' bay houses with an acre or two around them and plenty of bush and privacy in between.
I remembered the time when over 30 years ago you could buy a block of land at the bay for peanuts and many people said "Why would you want to live out there?"

Friday, November 13, 2009

One wedding down and one to go!

I should be having a snooze but I have had so much coffee that I dont think its possible!
After a very late night having spent three hours roaming around Morpeth being followed by various spirit entities and having my brains sizzled with new experiences I braved the morning waking at 4 am to get ready for our friends sunrise wedding.
I was not a pretty sight!
Last night's Morpeth Ghost Tour was fantasic - I thoroughly recomment it to anyone wanting a spooky experience -the energies abound everywhere and the validation received by tour director Troy was priceless!
He is a wealth of information and well worth the small investment for a totally great evening out.
Ut, after all of this I was still hyped up from so much activity the night before to get to sleep before 1.30 and then to wake and try and make myself look decent - not an easy job.
Now is rest time and then on the road to Nelson Bay to another wedding at 5 pm.
Tomorrow I sleep.....

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Big weekend ahead

I am looking forward to catching up with friends and spending tomorrow evening wandering around Morpeth doing a ghost tour - there are some very interesting and historic buildings in the area. Did you know it was originally known as Green Hills?
Then at sparrow fart I will be going to a wedding on Saturday morning of a dear friend who is getting hitched at Caves Beach followed by a champagne breakfast at Swansea( no champagne for me or I will be asleep at the table )then another wedding in the afternoon at Nelson Bay for a friend of the man's from work.
Sunday? I hope to find a small dark corner and hide.......
I have a new frock, new shoes and a bag to put over my head so I should look acceptable.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Thanks very much - NOT!!!!

To the little shits that broke my car window on Satgurday night while it was parked in front of my house and then came back and did the same thing to the "man's" car on Sunday night - you deserve a big fat boot up your arse.
About 10 or so cars were damaged over those two nights with many worse off than ours.
How annoying!
Well it's November and I'm at home...not at the Square.
So I am cleaning windows, floors ...things that havent been touched in quite a while let me tell you...boring as shit.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Just a few touches left and its done!




Ok guys...what do you think?
My first horse painting....
Just a few bits to fix after having it passed by the artistic critics in the house ( God bless them for their truthfulness )I have a few more images I want to get stuck into now..but this one did give me a run for my money.

One hour later...
This is now my updated and completed image.
I am happy with this now.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Art exhibitions

I am delivering four of my paintings to Belmont Citi Centre today for an art exhibition being organised by one of the art societies I belong to. The exhibition will be running for two weeks.Also heading to Lorn ( Maitland ) to deliver another art work to the Gallery there for an exbition on for the month of November.
Am trying to finish a new painting but am having "issues'so will struggle some more today to get it just right.
Struggling is good cause it means that it is a challenge and I am not quite sure what I am doing and therefore HAVE to work it out.
Its been so nice to be at home all week.
The quiet and solitutude have been very calming - I walked into Charlestown Square yesterday and immediately got a massive headache that lasted all day. I am so glad I am not there this year.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

What a difference in the weather!

Yesterday was a scorcher wasnt it and this morning is so much more managable.
I wasnt ready for such a heat wave and it was very uncomfortable last night - the man slept downstairs on the couch with the air con on.
I can sleep through anything, so it didnt bother me too much, but I think we might be heading into a very hot summer...
Today I hit Kotara to put in some job applications to get some work for the Chrissy season as it appears that I will not have anymore of my "other stuff" this year.
Tomorrow I might hazard a trip into the wilderness of Charlestown Square.
Some other things have fallen through so I am in the market for earning a few extra dollars before the end of the year - there are things I need to buy!!!
I remember speaking to Artyfarty on Monday night and she mentioned her inability to make plans as they always seem to fall through and feeling that she is in a holding pattern waiting for the universe to throw her in the direction she needs to go in...I know that feeling well...and I had exactly the same conversation with my art teacher last night.
Seems that there are many of us that dont really know what we should be doing in life...it can be very frustrating when you feel that you are not getting the most out of every day.
Some people seem to be quite happy with their lot in life....as uncomplicated as it may seem to be to others.
I often think it is all about temperament and the more creative you are the more frustrated you can become when you are not being creative...
it is so hard to get a happy medium though, seems like there always has to be a spanner in the works. You may get your work life into shape but then your love life suffers, or you are always struggling with money but you are able to express yourself through writing or art or dancing etc..

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween? No it's not!

I even went and got a huge packet of lollies to hand out to the little gremlins when they knocked on the door tonight...and we only got one knock!
Three little gouls with their goodies bags open to receive..so I threw them all a handful and told them to have fun.
And then that was it..all over red rover.
Tomorrow is my last day at Greenhills.
Feeling a bit flat and tired and also suffering from belly ache since having chips from the local take away yesterday.
Am working on a new painting, even though I said to myself that I would not push doing another one this month, even year....but I got slightly inspired and am really fiddling.Maybe I will pull it off.
Gosh I need some descent sleep....
Happy Beltaine folks.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

decisions

I have been offered more work over the coming months up to Christmas which financially would have come in very handy,but I have now rejected two offers because they would both overlap the Christmas period and with extended trading hours I would be yet again, working my arse off and missing Christmas with the family.
SO........ dilemma,
work because of the money
or
dont work and enjoy my first Christmas in eight years?

so,I did the deed and said no.
Why do I feel guilty?

My big girl is currently in Egypt - I worry about her and hope that she is having a good time.
Imagine sitting and loooking at the pyraminds!
How cool!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Its not the dead people that worry me...really

It's the live ones that we really really need to worry about.....they are the freaky ones!!!
The dead...bless their souls, have had their time and only their energies float about whether I do anything or not.
Believe me....I protect!
My whole YAAD lesson last night was drumming protection into people .....
First rule of life!
Protect thyself from the creepies that are out there...
Some people make the most repulsive energies with their hatred and their anger and their greed.....far, far, far more yukky..and they dont even know that they are effecting so many people around them.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Selling paintings..

Good news!
In the last month I have actually sold four paintings!
Wow!!
Sold my last one at an exhibition on the weekend.
I have only been paid for one though - apparently we cannot rush these things and cheques need to be made out etc....

weird dream the night before last ..my house was being invaded by strangers that I couold not get rid of.Every time I tried to call for help..ie ring a mobile to get the Police to remove these people, the phones would not work.
I would push them out of one room to just find them congregating in another.
I was rather freaked out by all of this and awake with a blazing headache and a feeling totally exhausted.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Ghost Hunting at Midnight

If you would like to read my account of my gost hunting trip that I took part in last night, please click on this link
It was a wild experience!
I will certainly be planning more.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Reporting in..

a funny week was had..
if I had any emotions left I might be actually feeling something right now
suffice to say that thinking too much just gives me a headache..

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

In between the worlds..

Visited mum today.
Couldnt stay there long....even though it's a really nice place, it was just hard for me to be there today.
Maybe because I knew mum's house has now sold and it no longer belonged to her.
I was hoping she would not ask me about it - she did not.
Maybe because she asked whether my dad had gone grey and she was waiting to see him.
Maybe because she did not know who my mother in law was ( who came with me ).
Maybe because she "dissappeared" between sentances to somewhere else..
But...she looked good.
healthy, happy somewhat..
maybe the word is content? not to have to think to hard?
We got there at an odd time and we were interrupted by lunch which is a highlight of the day...so by the time she had finished she had forgotten that we were there..
must remember to go early and leave before lunch next time..
crazy dreams last night...leftovers from my seminar?
or additions?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A fantastic Day of learning...


I have just returned from my seminar in Sydney with Kelvin ( from "Sensing Murder" fame ).
Kelvin is a very gifted medium and held a seminar discussing his techniques and methods in connecting with the departed.
It was fascinating and well worth every cent!
I have learnt a lot about mediumship ( from his perspective )and also a lot about myself and what I need to do to develop greater skills in what I do.
I will be practising as time goes on and I hope to see great progress.
I had felt that I had hit a brick wall for quite some time and was feeling a lot of frustration and today has really helped me push through.

Kelvin talked about his work on "Sensing Murder" and we also had to do some exercises in class. There were some very talented people in the group ( which was only 15 people )and I was lucky enough to get a small reading from him which included him telling me that my dad is around me and finally looking after me ( something that he did not do much of when he was alive ).

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Mary McKillop overlooked again!

Well news today has said that the Pope has cannonised 5 new saints but overlooked our Mary!
Not happy Jan!!!!!!
I have a bit of a personal agenda in getting our Mary a spot on the hot 100 saints in heaven list and I thought she was a shoe in this time...
so I am very upset about the news - especially getting it today.
Oh well, I guess we are still looking for a spare miracle.....

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Art Exhibition very successful

I am very hopeful that all of the exhibitors are happy with the results of last night!
I really am...
I personally had a really lovely time - both my girls were there for support and we had a great crowd of people.
Lots of nibbles, some wine and plenty of laughs with a really unusual and beautiful energy that made the Cottage feel completely different.
The walls looked like amazing technicolored murals.
Everybody made such an effort and I feel very humbled to be mixed in with all that amazing talent.
Thank you ( in no particular order ) Kathleen, Trish, Jen, Helen, Deb, Aleks, Lisa, Rachel, MICHELLE, Diana for contributing.
Thank you to all who came last night and to those who made purchases and who are still to purchase.
A great event....

Thursday, October 08, 2009

STRESSED SPELT BACKWARDS = DESSERTS

Know what I would rather have!!!!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Just a few days left to our art exhibition.....

Are you coming?
You better be.....we are all very excited!
I am also going to get baby girl to exhibit some of her manga art.
She is SOOOOOO talented..
wonder where she gets that from?????
must be her dad!

Sunday, October 04, 2009

what makes a great party?

mmm...
how about heaps of alcohol..
testosterone fueled 20 year old boys
and slutty mouthed 18 year old girls
how about saying the word f**k or c**t at the beigginnin, middle and end of each sentance?
how about yelling at the top of your lungs to the person standing right next to you from 5pm in the evening to 5 am the following morning.
How about doof doof music that gets played at maximum levels...
How about a fight where lives are threatened and furniture gets broken..
How about bottles strewen all the way up and down the street and broken letterboxes just for good measure???
How about all of the above?
I am SURE GLAD our neighbours had a great party!
Cause the rest of the street didnt sleep all night long!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

CRAP - flat out!!!!

Tomorrow I put in three paintings to the Mattara competition - you can see the exhibit at St Andrews Church on Auckland street and eight paintings to Ciao Meow in town on Hunter street..
so busy labelling, writing lists, pricing etc....
I am trying to paint a new picture but it is just not going to happen...soon.
Aches and pains setting in and I am starting to sieze up so will be needing massage....soon.
I am nearly 51.......soon....argh!!!!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

New Pic!












I picked up my paintings from the Hunter Palate Art exhibit today and to my surprise I had actually sold one...yay...so cool.
Its a real buzz to know that someone liked my art enought to pay to have it hanging in their house.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Nothing to say too!

I have to join Wendy and say that "I really have nothing to say too"!
In the last week I have had a bout of flu/sinus and had a very sore and irritated eye yesterday which resulted in me driving around half blind with tears pouring down my face until I could get some drops from the chemist.
I have been reading about a link between the tarot and Jesus' sermon on the Mount,string theory, labotomies and Bethlehem Mental Hospital in England and Pavlov's dogs...
I have applied for another job and am rethinking about organising a Ghost Tour night out at Morpeth..there was an article about it in the paper this week and it has sparked my interest...anyopne else wants to come along let me know and I will book a tour...we need about four or five people for a Friday or Saturday night....
oh well...I guess I did have something to say after all...but then, I usually do..

Monday, September 21, 2009

Ode to "The Man" - Happy Anniversary

Its our wedding anniversary tomorrow
and they said it was doomed and wouldnt last.
They did!
well, we proved them wrong and
although there were tough times
we all have those, we got through.
... then a few years ago
the unthinkable happened and I could have lost you
and I thought that my head would explode just thinking about that.
So each day is now a gift and most days I have my priorities worked out and the little things dont matter.
You have put up with my drama queen antics and crazy ideas
you make me laugh and make me look forward to my future
because it is with you.
I still love to be with you, think of you and lay next to you.
What more could a girl ask for.
Mwa! to my beautiful husband.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Here we go...

I take in the first of my art works today for an art show at Maitland later this week.
I have a few exhibitions and stuff happening over the next few weeks and am hoping that some of my art will sell or maybe, possibly be good enough for an award????
I know how these things work though and I may just have a very small window of opportunity here...art circles can be tight and have their own set of rules which make it difficult.
But, we live in hope..
I am working on one at the moment of baby girl..should be done by the end of the week.
Other than that I have a full week with things I need to do and catch up on.
The house looks like a snow field with husky hair literally everywhere
and my YAADERS are going to get chocolate spiders tonight as my contribution to our Ostara projects...yumm

Friday, September 18, 2009

Ghost Tour of Civic Theatre

Tonight I took part in a ghost tour at the Civic theatre organised by a mob from Sydney.
It was very interesting with the tour guide being a fellow who has worked at the theatre for many many years.
We went into the dressing rooms and on stage, down in the orchestra pit and all over the place.
Some rooms were darkened and we were allowed to sit with the energies.
I, as usual, did my shaky shaky thing the moment I walked into the bloody place and so took a very back seat so as to shake without all eyes upon me.....
The energies came and went ...some places were really strong with lots of female energies, young women bound into duties they did not want to do and lots of naughty naughty business downstairs in the dressing room area.
Apparently there is a resident ghost called Joe whom our tour guide has encountered on an occassion or two but I could tell him that there was a lot more as well.
No huge ghostly apparitions, no falling furniture or lights going on or off, but lots of energy...
I finally settled, about 15 minutes before leaving.
The group stayed to make light conversation, which I am not into, so I left...
not feeling well anyway... very congested and headachy and now spent as well from energy overload.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

From Pearls of Wisdom to just plain shitty talk....

Well, we will go from one extreme to another.
From one profound blog to diving down deep into the abyss of human creepiness..

Today, hubby called me to say that he had to get a changeover replacement bus during a trip from Newcastle thru Mayfield to Charlestown.
At around the Union street stop, about 10 minutes into the trip, some young girls came down the front of the bus and told hubby that there was dog poo on the floor.
Hubby did not even bother to look, but said.."Well that's not dog poo"..
but it WAS human poo!!!!!

Not the first time....euwwwwwwwww....

Anyway, the bus was stopped and all the passangers got off. Most did not even notice that it was there, I guess hubby telling everyone that there was going to be a bus change because someone had shat on the floor....may have alerted a few of them ( do you think?)..
I feel sorry for the poor person who had to clean it up.

Also, today, I was contacted by the company that I normally work for around the Christmas period ( whom shall remain nameless ) and they were told that I will not be partaking in this year's fun and activities, as per usual.
After the stunned silence was broken by, "But we were just about to send you the fixtures"..
we reiterated that it was going to be a "no go"....
not happening....nope....what part of "no" don't you understand?

anybody looking for work? Are you prepared to sell your soul to the devil?
look out for the ads in the paper for staff.....

in the mean time I am assuming that there is an effigy of me being burnt as I type this blog.
So it's "burn the witch" again!
History tends to repeat itself.......

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Individuation- when it's all about NOT fitting in!


I've been thinking about some recent posts where some have suggested that they struggle with not fitting in - this has tied in with some reading that I have been doing of late about alchemy ( the transmutation of base metals into gold - symbolic of course ).
Carl Jung said that individuation is probably the most important thing that we have to do in our lifetime.
It is the process of splitting from the the group, the crowd, and becoming an individual, realising that you are different and finding your own identity.
Sometimes it can also mean receiving the greatest gift of all - that of peace of mind in truely realising our purpose.

This process may often come when we are least prepared.
I wonder whether this process of the soul starts very, very early for some of us.
Our soul has already done this process of becoming individual and then spends years telling us "Yes, you do not fit in cause you are NOT SUPPOSED TO!!!! You are supposed to just be you and not like everybody else!!".
Therefore we have actually GOT it - its the rest of them that don't.
Brilliant isnt it.

So next time you say to yourself - gee, I dont fit in, be proud of it cause your soul has worked it all out for you, now just spend your time being you and have a little smirk at all the sheep just doin' the same thing as everybody else...
the hard work is all still in front of them.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Seal Rocks Lighthouse

Original picture was snapped at Seal Rocks a few weeks ago when we took a day trip - quite a pretty place although the last few kilometres is on dirt road and a bit hairy!
The Lighthouse is on a very steep hill top - you need a good heart to get up there and a cool day so that you dont slide down in your own sweat!


Thursday, September 10, 2009

visit with mum.

Took a drive to Sydney today to visit mum - have not seen her in a few weeks and so I needed to make the effort.
Mum is O.K. I guess - very depressed and disorientated. Her hair has grown long, so I have organised a visit with the hairdresser for her for next week.
She has swollen feet and a chest infection, so not terribly well.
She feels a bit trapped in her environment, but has come to the understanding that this is the best place for her, even though she still mentions that she would love to come and live with one of us.
I feel very sorry for her - it is sad to see her now, sad to see the deterioration,she is so happy to see me it is hard to leave -

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Verwy, verwy busy!

Yes I am, bless the gods...now we just have to manifest some sales and all things on heaven and earth will be equal!

I will now be showing on the Hunter Street Mall at a new Gallery space called "Ciao Meow" with one painting now and a few more for the month of October.

I will also be exhibiting at the Hunter Valley Palate Exhibition at the Hunter Valley Grammer School, The Mattara Exhibition, Stockton RSL Art Show and St Lukes Church exhibition.

I am also still showing at "Sniddy's" on Beaumont street and of course our "BIGGIE"
at Rose Cottage -
The Cottage Artists Guild present "Create" a celebration of diversity in art starting from October 9th and open to the public on Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th October from 10am to 4 pm.
Please wish me luck!

Friday, September 04, 2009




A full moon is always a time when we get together as a group to celebrate...being a group!
It is always hard to find the time and to spare a night away from the family - but it is always a re-energising experience to share a committed path with other like minded individuals.
Last night was an enormous pleasure - Jewell and Kay organised a magical evening which was capped off with a sojourn to the obelisk ( a totally amazing spot ) where we gathered and called in the dragons. There was thunder on the horizon, a 360 degree view of the city and ocean and a halo around the moon.
It went from howling wind to howling witches and then to total peace and stillness.
Then we sent the dragons to organise a table for us at a local haunt for coffee and enjoyed each others company over hot drinks until council regulations called upon the witches to leave.
WOW....

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

My poor veins...

Ouch my legs hurt from standing all bloody day long...
actually they pound from the inside..each day there is one more blue hideous vein that seems to snake down my leg that was not there yesterday - standing all day long is not a good thing, especially on cold hard concrete that has electical wiring running through it..
and I am fast running out of clothes that fit me..I need to get fit ( er )...
but the idea of exercise is not something I relish thinking about....lets not talk about actually doing any.
I am just too tired at the moment..just cant seem to get energy levels up.

anyway..only a few more days and hopefully some time at home, although next week seems to be filling up for me and I want to take a trip to Sydney to visit mum as well.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Everyone wants some Indian Root Pills..






My new painting..
This is a picture of a barn heading towards Morpeth from East Maitland.
I remember seeing it as a child when my parents would drive past it on the way to visit their friends.
Over the years, the barn has fallen into disrepair, but recently it has had a face lift and the old Indian Root Pills sign has been repainted.
I dont hold too many memories from my childhood, but this image is stored away amongst the few.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

more wierdness...

last night a got a place name for my little girl....it was Chai - Tao.

So this morning I just had to google it...and, low and behold, there IS such a place in ShangHai China, near the border with Korea.

Last night, another bizarre dream about a certain French President ( now, I reiterate, that is is A DREAM people - I dont want any more creepy people ringing me about what I write on my blog ok! ) This man is very, very smart and carismatic - he has a very beautiful wife.
He knows a lot about some very influential people in Europe and in this dream I, through certain conversations, got embroiled in the middle of his latest scandal.
I remember being approached by him, after being placed in a position of probable contact.
He does love women and this will be his downfall.
In the end I was going to get myself into rather a bad pickle with authorities but was saved with a "get out of jail card" by the President assuring my safe escort out of the country.
This man has a great deal of power through what and who he knows....mmmmmmm
now where did THAT come from.

so much more exciting than heading to Greenhills eh.......

One foot in each world...

One of those bizarre dreams/experiences last night where I feel asleep yet awake.
i wanted to write this down so that I remember it....
I remember knowing that I stepped into the body of a young girl, about seven or eight years old. I was seeing through her eyes but I knew that I was me..and I was thinking "what am I doing here"?
This did not last long - just a few minutes.
I was walking through an old home, where this child lived.
No one was home accept for an old woman sitting in a room at the back of this house.
I am assuming she was grandma.The house was full of little rooms where the extended family or families lived.
No lighting accept natural light comming through open windows.
No elecrticity at all.
Almost no furniture.
I (she) was looking for her scabby black cat - just a baby. A dirty, thin creature - totally black and only a few months old.
She called it "Meow - Meow".
Finally the cat was found and craddled in the childs arms with the greatest of love as if this would be the only thing that this child could ever call her own - her only possession.
I did not know this child's name but I had a feeling it was all happening in China.
I later tried to remember details and the name "Chao Tzu" came to me.
I just so vividly remember saying to myself ,"What in the hell am I doing here? What am I supposed to see or do?"
That was it...I was gone..

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Just finished...




There was quite a debate about this pic!
I liked it, the man was not fussed...
My art teacher said that it could be a 'good little exercise".
Anyway, I decided to give it a go and am very pleased with the result.
Just finished it this afternoon...wanted to get it done before I start working.

Something you can never get used to!

To be truthful, the wait required for results of bi annual PSA tests is one that requires alcohol and headache tablets...
It is something that sits in the back of your mind and all kinds of crazy thoughts are given birth until the phone call from the doctor comes to relieve the tension.
The man, ofcourse, is a lot more sensible than I and probably has an inner knowing about his health so just does it.
Did a party booking last night at Lorn, Maitland - readings for 7 people.It was a great evening but it took 3 hours to get through them which kind of does your head in by the end..but a great little monetary pick up.
Its a bit crazy to think that September is only a week away and I would normally be gearing up to Calendar Club - but this year I am schedualing in psychic fairs and art exhibitions which whould have been impossible for me to be part of in years past.
The man still lives in hope that I will become gainfully employed in a "real" job so we can pay some bills and buy more shit....or maybe he has just given up?
I will be doing book sales for the next two weeks at Greenhills....so thats something at least.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Seal Rocks, PSA results and Calendar!



We went for a drive to Seal Rocks yesterday to take some pics so that I can paint some more paintings.It was very pretty but not really too many photos were taken. We stopped at Sugarloaf Lighthouse and made our way up to the top panting and heaving like geriatric pensioners for some spectacular views.
The whales were even there with two cavorting in the warm waters just in front of us.
I imagined the female whale having a conversation with themale whale saying,"Gee George, you always take me to Seal Rocks for our holiday! I bored, bored, bored with the same old shit......I want to go to Vanuatu next year"
and George responding...
"Yes dear"...

The man's six monthly PSA tests came back sparkling and gleamy today - Under 0.01% which means undetectable !!!!!! Yay....

Also our calendars from the Art Society are out with my picture featuring in March 2010! BUT THEY BLOODY SPELT MY NAME WRONG THE DUNDERHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, anyone wanting a copy can let me know they are gorgeous with heaps of room to write in and only $12 each with 50% of the proceeds going to the WESTPAC HELICOPTER SERVICE!!!!!!!
Grab one and check out March!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's way cool!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Slug child and the Hounds








What a glorious picture...and these dogs are this close all night long!
The "walking carpet" ( Fred the husky ) has always slept on his bed on the other side of the room but now he has to copy the Maksimus and get as close as possible and the little black doggy ( Maks ) just makes sure he can rest his butt on one of us and he is happy.....
The slug child who was not a doggy person at all now is quite besotted with the black sausage with chooky legs and wants one of her very own.....

Monday, August 17, 2009

Could not be bothered?

Seems to me that there is a lot of "could not be bothered" around.
I guess I am also a culprit of this syndrome...but it is getting a bit tiresome.
I am actually tired of it myself...tired of my own "not bothering".
Time to bother again..
I thought the recession was only an economic one, but it seems to have hit us all on a personal level as well.
We are all having our own little mini recessions where we are just "frozen in time"
waiting for the better times to come again...

Whats going on with the blogs?
Are we over that too?
Everyone has gone to twitter and facebook - of course it takes a lot less time.
Is that what it is?
Are we all running out of time, so twitter is the next best thing to nothing at all?
Seems like everyone has so much to deal with, life is so complicated and we go round in circles..
we are spending so much time on things that dont interest us and so much time sitting in front of the computer where we "virtually" talk and communicate to people.
There seems to be less need for face to face contact or could we be just not bothering to actually expend the effort to meet, sit and chat....it just so easy to sit and do it on-line.
For all the other person knows you could be cutting your toe nails while watching t.v. and eating a frozen dinner all at the same time as having a deep and meaningful
email exchange...
I dont know if this is a good thing..
In a way you are anonymous and therefore not required to commit yourself. I find this really annoying when I get a booking for a reading for example, and the client is DESPERATE..
they need a reading now...so you change things,get in the car, drive there,set up and then they don't turn up and dont even ring to say that they are not going to come......
What about some common courtesy?

just my thoughts...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What a week!


Today I shared a lovely morning with Deb, Jen, Gayle, Cheryl and sweet Mary for a coffee at Glendale - it was nice to get together.
Unfortunately, I set my alarm too early therefore arriving an hour before time ( silly me )and realising that I was there far too early.
So I did some shopping and had a walk around.
I then went to pick up my other paintings from Raymond Terrace and took a drive to Blackbutt Reserve to take some photos.
Its all a bit empty there at the moment - no emus and no kangaroos and wallabies.
Dont know where they have put them?
They are still repairing after the last storm.

I am hoping to go for a long drive with the man this week up to Seal Rocks to take more photos.
This is the plan...shhhhhh..... dont tell the universe cause it may choose something different.
Tomorrow night at YAAD....chocolate crackles!!!!!!!!!!!!!I made them today!!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Hello mum...remember me?

Went to visit mum today. She was very surprised to see me although I had told her we were coming...tears in her eyes, very up and down emotionally.
I guess this is what a bout of depression must be like.
SHe had been complaining for weeks about pain in her side and finally now we have been told that she has had a cracked rib poor darling...the deterioration in her bones means that this could be something that becomes quite a common event.
Otherwise she looks good but has problems knowing where her room is and what she is doing there and the constant pain would be a torture!!!!!

It was a lovely trip down and the man did a bit of personal shopping while we were there and we dropped into the local shopping centre that has a marvelous deli with lots of smelly cheeses and meats ( yummm )
At least she did not complian when we were leaving we just took her to be with the "other inmates" and off we went.
Still, such a crazy experience.....I cannot fathom my mum being there and not in her house.

Meanwhile I sold a painting today!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!!!Just a small one, but one none the less.
On the other hand, my picture framer destroyed one of my precious paintings yesterday by dropping another picture on it and ripping a huge hole in the canvas.....needless to say, I was shattered when I saw it and still cannot believe that it happened....now we have to try and fix it, somehow.....

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Redhead Shark Tower



This is my latest artwork - it is slightly larger than most other canvases that I do.
It is 50cm x 40 cm.
It is from a picture that I took of Redhead beach at sunset.
What a glorious place!
We certainly have some wonderful spots here in Newcastle.
Hope you like it - I am very happy with the way it has come out.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Some days are just blah!


Sore stomach - too much crap.
Irritable bowel, eating fudge and cookies does not help.
Also headache and back pain.
Is the weather about to change?
Usually my back will let me know when rain is coming.
Oh and what I ribbing I got about my poor blue track suit on the weekend...just because it is so 1980's...why are people are so unkind! ( to quote Kamahl )
then my hair took a scorching and also some cups that I have been using that came from my mother's...all of which deserve to be binned.
I think I have trouble letting go?
or moving on?
maybe........

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Another weekend...

Yesterday, I took my daughter and nine of her friends to Sydney to attend a Manga ( Japanese Art ) Convention. We took the train and all the girls were really good.We left at 6.45 and got to Sydney just after 9am. Then we got a bus to the Uni of NSW and I left the girls to enjoy the next six hours while I walked around and had numerous cups of coffee. I also could not use my debit card to get out any money from my account as for some reason I kept on being told that my PIN was incorrect.Thank goodness I took enough money with me, but...
What if I had no money on me at all?
I called the bank and they said they could not do anything about it...so I am going to the bank tomorrow to make a complaint.They can stick their card up their arse.
This morning I took the family to the Eurobar for breakfast as a thanks for helping with the house cleaning last week.
We got one offer on the house yesterday ( we had an open house ) but the offer was too low - at least it seems that people are interested in the house. Obviously they are going to try to get it as cheaply as possible, but I do have a limit that I need to get to pay for mums "incarceration"and any "prison clothes" and extras that may be needed as the years roll by.
It was quite strange to see a "for sale" sign on the house.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

A big weekend!

I spent the weekend doing the last bits of cleaning to the house with the help of mum in law and sis in law - I intend to pay them back with a lovely breakfast out this Sunday for all their hard work.
The place looks good - its clean and tidy and has beautiful varnished wooden floorboards all the way through that are now clean and revealed from underneath the filthy old carpet that has been hoiked...
Just waiting for the yard to be done ( I have hired someone to do that! ) and we are ready for sale!
The first ad will go in the paper on Saturday.
I am screamingly tired and now face the chaos that has been building in my place as I have transferred bags of shit and just left them piling up in the hallways and every available corner.
So I am determined to sort and clean as I go - this may take weeks..
I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH STORAGE SPACE....and the way I put hings away may mean that things may be lost forever..............
At the end of this week I will take four of my paintings to an art exhibition being held at Raymond Terrace - here's hoping I get lucky and sell something!

Friday, July 31, 2009

In my spare time..................



I started back at art class last Monday and had to have something to work on...so I painted like a mad thing last week and started and abandoned two paintings that were just awful!!!!!!! So on Saturday night I had to find a cool and calm moment and start again.
I have been working on my cherries in brief moments amidst the chaos.
Today I challenged myself with the stove at mums place - it had never been cleaned and it took six buckets of water and four hours to make it sparkle.
Then I DID get out the good old gumption ( yes...you certainly can buy it ) and got stuck into the rest of the kitchen..I even went over stuff I had done a week ago cause gumption can take off tattoos ( not really, but almost ) cause it's that bloody good.
This weekend my mother in law and sister in law and I are doing the final bits - thank you to all who have offered to help, but my mother in law is a work horse to rival none and together we have worked like a whirlwind.
I did notice a brown gunk coming off the walls in the kitchen today and I could not figure out where it had all come from..
then it hit me that it must have been from years of smoking.Mum smoked until she was about 70 odd before giving up because it was too expensive.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Where can I buy elbow grease?

I am out of elbow grease...I used up my supply today but have only done two rooms.
Therefore I need to buy some more.....anyone know where I can get some from (cheap)?
The Salvo's rescued me today and took all the wardrobes which made the rooms nice and empty.
I have gagged on a variety of spores and mould that has been growing for over twenty years behind said wardrobes when I had the audacity to disturb their habitat and try to clean the walls.
Now spores and mould have been attacked with several different types of toxic chemicals which neccessitated the need for goggles and a mask as my eyes started to water........ and are DEAD!
Walls look like a crazy multicoloured spew and room will need a coat of paint.
Mother in law ( bless her )took five hours to clean the laundry ( dont ask me why that long )
but you can now eat off the fucking floor....
Round Two tomorrow............

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Im an old scrubber..

Yes, you knew that already???
Tomorrow I hope that the Salvos will come and pick up the wardrobes and crap left over, but......they have a right to not take the stuff if they do not want to, if it is broken to heavy or I do not smile and beg them!
Maybe I should give them $20 just to take it?
Other than that nothing exciting is happening - mum is getting narky and making phone calls asking to come home.
She is getting into the really angry stage that often happens, where they hate their kids for putting them in a home ( for their own good, by the way ).
They do not see it that way of course - cant blame them.
How would I feel if I had to move out of my home and could not come back?
But the additional guilt trip of "how could you do this to me?" is not what I need right now, so I am staying clear.

Monday, July 27, 2009

All good girls go scrub a dub dub...

This week I pull up my sleeves and grin and bear the pain and clean and scrub mum's house.
We have organised a really great agent ( an old aquaintance ) and she has been really helpful.
Most of the stuff is now gone and a quick phone call to the Smith Family may clear the rest.
Brother is just not interested in any cleaning or caretaking - he is almost willing to "give the place away at rock bottom prices" just so that all of this dissappears and is no longer a blight on his life..
Well and good for him but the curtains still need to be washed and the floors scrubbed, no one wants to walk into a shit hole and then be asked to buy it!
This money has to do mum for the rest of her days - my family is not rich enough to pull money out of our pockets to pay for any needs. Every dollar will be a dollar we do not have to spend..
So please pray for a quick and bountiful sale!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Thank Goodness that's over!

Was up at sparrow fart to organise our garage sale today.
Finally got all the stuff out of the house and the first guy turns up just after 7.30.
Then they came from everywhere!!!
In the end I was virtually giving stuff away, but I was not going to carry any of it back inside just to have to call someone to take it to the salvos!
Best of all the fridge and the washing machine got sold - these were the only two items of any value and a fellow from a second hand shop gave me a deal to take all the nik naks and china cabinets, so va voom!!!!
I have four old wardrobes to get rid of so will have to get the smith family in to take those and then I can start in on the really hard work....
I was so worried about today I did not sleep half the night, but thank the Gods it all went very well.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

40 years of dirt....

Well I made a massive mistake and went in today to clean the walls in my parents house...to get started and get it ready for sale....and I must have used too strong a mix of sugar soap as the paint came off with the dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I have a huge ugly patch which means that I will have to paint over it..more work.
I have to get my brother to help me with this. I cannot do this on my own.
I am just too tired already.
Pangs of hate rose in me as I stood looking at the amount of work in front of me to get that house looking clean and thinking that my parents, both of them did not life a finger to clean that place in over 40 years.
Yes...I hear you....they were both pensioners..
Mums view of cleaning extended to wiping over the kitchen sink ( the cleanest part of the house ) but it did not extend to taking stuff out of the cupboards and cleaning those for example...let us not go to any other part of the house...
The place looks clean if you stand back and just glance over things, but in reality EVERYTHING is dusty, dirty and each wall has a build up of grime.
Also we have pulled old wallpaper off the walls in my old bedroom and that will now need an enormous scrub.
I'm over it!!!!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

POST 666! Beware as this post is possessed and will lead you to no good!

And if you believe in that you are a silly sausage!
I said "goodbye - ta ta" to the Cottage committee today ( to the cheering of Deb!) as I feel it is time for a break to let other more creative minds battle it out ( I have been part of the organising committee for about 5 years ) - but I have entered into another "so called" agreement that I suggested earlier this year and want to see through - it was mentioned again today, and so I am hoping that with the approval of the rest of the Cottage we will move ahead and have a proper Cottage Artisans exhibit in October...that is all I am willing to say at this stage, but it just may be quite exciting....

I am busy sorting clothes and nik naks for sale at a garage sale ( what price do you put on shit???)

We had a quote on the sale of the house today and now I have to start that ball rolling as soon as I can so we can pay mum's "prison" bond.
Nothing is ever easy though and all bits and pieces often become complicated as they go.

Last night I tried to start some painting but the Gods were not going to play ball and so everything that could go wrong, did, with paint spilled on the floor and over my clothes, the dog and bits of furniture..and poor hubby who is full up with the flu, has had to pull apart a rotten stinking air brush that I hate with a passion because it is always clogging up and being a pain in the butt ( yes......let us not blame the artist, but the tools )
So it may be a while before you see another masterpiece - bugger....

Monday, July 20, 2009

Catching up with mum's keepers..

Called the nursing home today and finally got through - this was my fourth attempt, the other times the phone just rang out ( they must be busy )..
She is fine, so they say, settling in ok and has made some friends one of whom was an old aquaintance from Newcastle.
Good.
I did not bother to speak with her as she was having an intense game of "magnetic fish " with the other residents and how could she possibly tear herself away!!!
Otherwise I am having trouble getting things done.
Just like everyone else it seems...I have to take small steps.
Have rung my first real estate agent who is coming out to see the house tomorrow.
Maybe a garage sale this weekend?
Have started walking with Diana again, taking it slowly this time as I am now an elderly citizen.....not like the break neck pace our sweet Gayle made us do...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Skelingtons in the closet...

What do we find when we go through our parentals house?
We find stuff and shit that we forget ever existed thats what!
I found my first ever books on witchcraft that are about 35 years old now, I have promised to bring them into class on Monday for my girls to have a look.
I DID buy them new and they are a precious memory to me just verifying that I have always been on this spiritual path.
I have found bits and pieces and many photos that have brought back a flood of bad and good memories.
It is hard to pick and choose what to keep and what to discard.
But it all piles up and I have stuff in every corner of every room - I will have to get in and really concentrate on storing, labeling and cleaning ( Diana I may need you!!! )
I have also now inherited a cupboard full of mums clothes that I have to keep in case she needs any extra changes...my house is busting at the seams and we have not sorted any furniture yet...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Mums new home




















Some views of the nursing home.
One is of the outside courtyard area. The other is the view of the dining room and of mum's room.
Today is the first day that I will not be seeing mum in such a long time.
I will give it a few days before I call - best leave her to adjust without further trauma.

The Eagle has landed!

Phew! What a day...I am exhausted.
Well, "Ëlvis is in the building!"

We left early this morning, manned with a borrowed GPS, which unfortunately shut down just after reaching Pennant Hills.
Bugger.....driving blind in the Western Suburbs raised my blood pressure and my mother in law was kept busy trying to restart the GPS with the ruddy thing shutting down every five minutes.
We took a few wrong turns and ended up stopping at Macca's on the way for a well earned coffee.I tried to use a map but that was useless.
Mum asked why we had gone so far to go to Macca's and when could we go home..
Then we got to the nursing home and straight to a hot lunch and a meeting with the other inmates.
Mum was then taken away to attend a "party" and we busied ourselves setting up her room and filling in paperwork.his took some time.
A little more time together then it was a quick goodbye while some of the ladies took mum under their wings and distracted her and we were out the door.
I will post a photo or two tomorrow after a good night's sleep and an emotional rest.
Dont ask me how I feel...

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Tomorrow is D-Day

Mum was extremely upset today - depression has set in and she is fearful and crying all the time.
I am sooooo happy that we take her tomorrow.
I am also quite scared and am hoping it all goes well.
Today was a whirlwind of organising money, packing her clothes, labelling everything, buying some extras...I have not stopped.
I soooo hope this goes well.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Polish Nursing Home Marayong!

Well, I have come back from Sydney today spending some of the day at the Polish Nursing Home at Marayong.
I must say that I was VERY impressed.
The facility is totally new so it is extremely clean and well appointed.
Mum's room, the one we have chosen, is looking out onto a courtyard with a lovely fountain in the middle that she will be able to see from her armchair.
The rooms are quite big, but empty - there is only a single bed, armchair and bedside table.
We can bring some paintings to hang in her room and photos but nothing else other than clothes are allowed.
She also will have an ensuite.
There is a multipurpose meeting area just a few metres down the corridor where there is a TV and dining area with a kitchen that produces Polish food and a Polish menu.
The staff are all Poilsh and so are the other "ïnmates".
The doctor will be Polish as well. They have an on site hairdressing salon, a theatrette, a coffee shop and a church. The priest is also Polish.
All going well I will be taking her down in the next few days and she will be VERY HAPPY.
I really do think so.I believe this atmosphere will really outweigh the fact that we will have limited contact as the weeks go by.
She is in her little world where everyone is her best friend or family member, the T.V. is showing her life story and I can be either her mother, her daughter, her best friend or her neighbour depending on the day.
I am sure that the trip to Sydney will be unsettling but I have asked my mother in law to help on the day.
In the mean time I have to label all her clothes, pack and organise it all so we can pick mum up from the hospital and head off without any hiccups.
This is costing a fortune but it will be worth it, for peace of mind.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Emotionally moving on

Yesterday was quite a profound day.A huge amount of papers, cards, old bills and letters to go through.
Many things learnt from reading old family letters from the old country.
Revelations about how mum could not be with her mother when she was dying, how desperate the family was to get in contact with her. Finding the letter advising my mum of her mother's death and my father's mother's death notice - all so sad.
Neither mum nor dad went back overseas to be with their families at these times.
Dad never went back overseas, ever, and mum only went back once with me when I was 21.
I found a short story about dads life that he had written and many bits and pieces from times that I remember.
Very little stuff about us - me or my brother - it was all about their life which was entwined in the Polish community.
I felt very melancholy last night and hubby did something special by finding a phone contact to family members we had not seen in 19 years from Poland.
SO he called them on a off chance we all fell over each other with delight to be in contact again. I told them about my mum ( as this is the only family I have left in Poland that know )and we promised to keep in contact with each other.
I have been cleaning the kitchen and washing and removing things that should have been removed years ago.

It is a pity that most of my mother's lfe will end up in a skip or a bin as it is virtually worthless to anyone else other than her and she will no longer be needing it.
Her shit reminded her of her life and it was important to her - this I have to respect even if I find no value in these items myself.
In fact it was all that she had, but in the scheme of things there is nothing worth anything in the material sense.
Old people keep everything - pens, rubber bands, plastic bands, lids, old papers....notes with reminders of names and addresses, dates and times..

Mum was more settled when I visited with her today - yet as I sat there she actually forgot that I was there and was asking after me.
Then she thought she was at home and told me to go and make myself a sandwich.
I also bought her some cordial for her water and she proceeded to show me the bottle after about five minutes telling me that she had just been to the shops to get that for me...
They say that at this point there is no reason to try and convince them of anything else ...there is no point in making them anxious about the mistakes that they are making..they no longer understand, and when they do realise that they are confused...they cry..

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Transfer to Belmont

Mum was transfered to the Belmont Residential Care Unit today and it was very stressful for her even though I had been there for a few hours getting her ready (so to speak).
She clung to me and called out for her "mother" which then in turn meant that she clung to me thinking I was her mother.
She was so frightened - as I guess she will be from now on faced with the smallest of changes..
By the time she got to Belmont and into bed she was exhausted which meant that, at least I could leave and let her get some sleep.
Today she was again speaking to everyone as if they had been her neighbours or family friends from way back trying to convince me that the lady in the bed next to her was my husband's mother and the old fellow in the bed opposite was an old Polish friend who she could not understand why he would not talk to her.
There was no point in explaining otherwise.
I spoke to my doctor today about mum and she suggested that there is a possibility that mum may have had some mini strokes which have caused the dramatic changes of late.
Who knows....
Also had my hormones checked...and at the grand old age of 50 I am not even pre - menopausal....not even coming close...so no croning for me for another 10 years...

Strange Days

Frantic calls from the hospital from a woman lost between the worlds..
so wanting to go home.
so wanting to remember, then forgeting that she wants to remember, then forgetting me, then forgetting words, feelings, needs.
The quick onset of all of this has been hard to watch..

At the moment its like someone put a handmixer into mums brain and swooshed it up into a big milk shake.
Mum is in the John but will be moved shortly out to Belmont to a intermediate unit where she will stay until we can have her placed into a nursing home.
This may take a week or two or three or more.
In the mean time I have to see her every day so that there is some connection and familiarity in her life.
Every move means more confusion and she thinks she is coming home - how do I tell her that she wont be?
The house has to be cleaned, friges, cupboards, garbage, clothes sorted documents filed and checked.
This will take time..so dont expect too much from me.
I am stocking up on wine.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Its been a while between masterpieces...


In the midst of the chaos I find solace and calm in descending the stairs away from the real world and into my haven of painting, where there is just concentration on the moment of paint touching canvas...

Saturday, July 04, 2009

A complication!

Mum took another turn down the rabbit hole, last night or this morning sometime, and I found her in a bad state this morning.
So an ambulance was called and she is in hosptial again.
It may be a urinary tract infection.
They are not sure.
But she is hazy, and disorientated and I assume that this will only get worse over the next few days, as it did last time she was in hospital.
This time, I do not think there will be an opprotunity foir her to return home.
I think we have given it a go - it is what happens when we are not there that has now become the major concern and she is showing us that she just cannot manage it on her own as much as she thinks that she can.
It was all going so well.....

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Watching the light fade...

Well, I really dont feel like writing about anything at all for a while..
So I may be here or not as time goes by..
I watch my mother fading with each day.
There are things that she wont do now that she was still doing last week.
I cannot entice her to leave the house.
She is not interested in calling any of her friends or talking to anybody other than me or my brother.
She has forgotten how to change the channels on T.V.
She wont make herself a cup of tea or mix up cordial with water for a drink.
She sleeps most of the time and has disconnected from reading and writing which was something that she was always doing.
She also, at times, has trouble talking with the words just going missing and stops mid sentence often as if she is seeing and looking at things that I do not.
I really dont know how long this will go on for?

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Saturday night at the Cottage!

What a wonderful evening for our 5th Anniversary!
So many people were there - I am sure that the witch's dinner was great, sorry to have missed it.
I came in on the tail end just in enought time to give Helen's "mini me" a big cuddle through her tears and screams. She is just gorgeous...
I did not get around to everyone individually on the night - sorry if I missed saying hello.
Everyone was a shiny star!
Tania glowed the most in her gorgeous dress and she looked a picture of pregnant health.It was lovely to see Michelle whom I have not laid eyes on for a millenia, and Jane our own Rainbow Warrior, and even Heidi managed to sit quietly in the corner hoping no one would notice her. Jaq's new hair "do" makes her look very sophisicated too.
Thank you to all who contributed to my awesome gift - it was really a huge surprise, but that really needs to be my last "special gift" as the whole crew of the Committee now does such a good job that I am really redundant and need to be relegated to the back bench, and indeed it should be so!
The Cottage has been a sancutary to many over the years, and also an irritant, in a good way, where women have been able to come and get shoved out of their comfort zones, for better or for worse so that they can discover more about themselves and what they can really do if they put their mind to it.
Our guest speaker was thought provoking as usual and really reached out to many saying the words that they all needed to hear and of course we had caramel mud cake..what more could I say!

Friday, June 26, 2009

Two stars fall and fly!

Beautiful Farrah and talented Michael...well they are in their peace filled place now and blessings go with them both...
I am old enough to remember Charlie's Angels ( the original )..
Amazingly one went fast and one went slow..
a touch of reality...if there is something that you want to do...you better go out there and do it...NOW....because life is a blessed treasure.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

He he...Ha..ha


Must share a giggle with you all today.
I had the pleasure of being asked today if I knew where you could pick up some info on Egyptian Sphin(x)ters...
yes...
Sphinxters...thats what was said....
I did not intervene...I let it go...

I am sure that this person really wanted information on the Egyptian Sphinx..
but whatever floats your boat I guess.....

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Just like the rabbit in Alice!



Well I am pushing it all the way...."I'm late, I'm late" said the white rabbit!

Mum seems ok at the moment, but I only see one side of her - the side she deems to show me.
Have tried to fit in eveything that I need to do and am feeling the pinch falling flat some nights in a tired stupor with a need just to go to bed and sleep.
Little baby girl had her first real day at work today with a few hours at her new place of employment. She learnt about the cash register and serving etc and is excited about getting her first pay later this week.

May not be about for much this week - tomorrow is another day, who knows what it will hold!

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Show must go on!!!

Well its on again for young and old.
Mum's idea of care and our idea of care are turning out to be two different things.
We cannot manage being there 24 hours a day and my brother is being called at 2am in the morning to come over to make her a cup of tea cause she cannot tell day from night and is up at all hours wondering why it is dark and why she is alone!
She is now really scattered having spent time at the respite centre where eveything was done for her and now expecting the same at home.
So, it now goes to plan 365A.......
we are trying for the Polish respite centre in Sydney which wants an arm and a leg to get her in...
this is all tentative depending on her mood with regard to this idea and whether we can get her in and whether we can get her there and when we can get her there and what sort of fuss she makes in the mean time....and...and....
at least there everyone will be speaking her language but I know it is so far away and it is very expensive as all nursing homes are, and if this happens we will have to sell her house post haste which means cleaning it and doing it up which means soooooooo much hard work cause the place has not been renovated in like 3000 years.....
but one step at a time I guess...so far she is still at home and we have to get through the weekend..

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Intermission

Intermission is when you are at a show or performance and the lights go on - you can go to the toilet and also get a packet of jaffas or some such stuff...
so here I am...
its intermission..
the time between performances...
all is fine.
Mother is fine.
Baby girl is going to do her first shift at a big store at Glendale tonight.
I have had a few readings to do coming in from my offer, but not many.
Painting has has to wait.
My flu symptoms have just about gone, just left with a headache and a bit of a funny ,rash.
Have learnt a lot of valuable lessons over the past few weeks -
I am feeling too censored now on blogger.
I have to be too careful - it defeats the purpose.
Like having had your private diary discovered by your parents!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Maxi Moose turns One!


Gorgeous Maximus has turned One!!!!!
So glad he is part of the family!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Swine Flu? and mother has been released..

Have been sick for days....bu dont have time to stop so have dosed up on codral cold and flu and am hoping I have not got the swine flu...
Yes Mihelle...I also know the feeling of people indesciminantly coughing all over me without so much as even thinking about covering their mouths and children looking for a new victim for their hacking and spattering and snot ridden little fingers.....
today mother came home..
I have not seen her as I am too sick to go near her and risk her getting ill too.
My brother bought her home cause she just could not handle the change.
It was taking too much out of her and she was bitterly miserable.She wanted to be at home.
What happens now?
Well I guess we will have to work harder at making her life comfortable and establish routines to make sure she is safe, fed and looked after.
This will mean a greater commitment from me and therefore I may have to make some changes to accomodate all of this.
This will not be forever, but what happens from now on is in the lap of the Gods.
My brother has made the decision that she is not suitable for aged care ( and she has made us gulit ridden for the rest of our lives for even attempting to try it ) We are screwed any way we look at it - so she may as well be happy, if this is what she wants.I hope this works.
HoooHaaa!!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Baby girl gets a job!

Baby girl went for a job interview on Tuesday and last night found out that she is now going to be gainfully employed by a big shop that starts with the letter between S and U at Glendale!( sorry I have to be very careful cause big brother is watching me!!!!! and I cannot mention any names ).......
boy wont she know she is alive now!!!!!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I am not trying to make trouble honestly......


Well, it seems I am at it again and trying to make trouble where it should not be...
I have had to edit one of my recent posts for reasons that are going to be left unsaid - fair enough.
Issues have been bought to my attention and I have complied.
ok.
What interests me is the way this information got "out there" beyond my small little viewing window of a handful of friends?
This poses the question, did it come from someone who is a regular to my site or has it come from an "unknown source"?
I would like to think that it has come from someone that I do not consider a friend because I do not understand why a "friend" would see fault in this meanless drivell of a blog site that means nothing to no one of great importance,to go to the trouble of doing what they did.
I would prefer to think that it is Big Brother watching...
and if that is so, then I must reconsider my views about blogging and free speech...


there was a cult where people sewed up their lips so that they could no longer talk....sounds like a plan..


In the mean time..
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WEEK'S "POST MAGAZINE YET???????????????
I AM IN IT!!!!!!!
IN "THE CANVAS" - THE FEATURED ARTIST!!!!
THIS MAY BE MY ONLY EVER FAMOUS FOUR SECONDS.........
I AM BATHING IN THE RADIANT LIGHT .....
Oh, bugger....it's gone already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Slap me, but dammit I'm going to do it anyway!










This month, the Cottage is celebrating it's 5th Anniversary - this is a huge achievement for a dream that turned into a reality for Lisa, and has affected many lives in the most positive of ways during this period.
The Cottage has changed and is offering a wide variety of services including the Year and a Day course which has proven such a great success.

Now,
I seem to have a few minutes in my life where I am doing nothing....he...he
so I am electing to put my hand up and raise some money for the Cottage in my own special way.
Therefore,
I am going to offer tarot readings by mail for a cost of $10 each with 25% of all my earnings going to the Cottage!
Please network this!
I would like to get 100 requests - therefore making a good little bonus for the Cottage coffers.
If you would like a general reading for the next few months ahead, or have some special questions that you would like answered, please send me a cheque or money order to : R.Daniel ( or put ten bucks in an envelope )AND a stamp self addressed envelope and send your request to:
please email me.......( address has been deleted )
This is a great little idea and I hope that it is successful - if all you bloggers will help and network this offer!
I will do O.S. readings for the same price ( I dont mind US Dollars or English Pounds - really )
So, lets get me 100 readings by the end of June!
Ready
Set
GO!

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Visiting mother!

Well today was a horrible experience...the respite centre has been closed down for a few day, not allowing visitors because of a virus so tonight I went to see mum.
She did not recognise me at first - it took a few minutes for her to realise who I was. Then she started with the I want to die thing...I will die here if you leave me here.....I will only last three weeks!!!!
Lots of anger about why we left her there, that she knows that people are left to die in these places...
lots of lost words and lost thoughts....
just really wanting to go home.
She did not even know how to turn off her room lights and how to turn the tap on to pour herself a drink of water.
In the mean time, food was served and a lovely young fellow bought her food and tablets and then bought more food and a drink, making sure that she was able to eat it with me in her room rather than outside in the communal area.
I felt sorry for mum but the point is that she needs full time care at the moment and we cannot provide that for her - I tried to explain this, but it fell on deaf ears.
Outside, people wandered around in a shambolic way, men standing with bags - as if waiting to leave, ladies asking me if I was lost......awful.

Mum is just stuck in her chair, still feeling a lot of pain in her leg and hips not wanting to have anything to do with what is happening outside that door.
English..if I only knew English...
well mum, you had 50 years to learn...but that is a legacy of the migrant generation that arrived after the war...some of them "stayed at home" and only their bodies were here, certainly not their hearts or souls...

also the feeling of creeping souls escaping with me out that door was overwhelming..I wonder how many have died there wanting to escape, wanting to leave and in a way leaving with every departing family member who still is in the land of the living????
Kerry if you read this can you send me your email address - I have a few questions that I would appreciate running past someone with experience.....