Individuation- when it's all about NOT fitting in!

I've been thinking about some recent posts where some have suggested that they struggle with not fitting in - this has tied in with some reading that I have been doing of late about alchemy ( the transmutation of base metals into gold - symbolic of course ).
Carl Jung said that individuation is probably the most important thing that we have to do in our lifetime.
It is the process of splitting from the the group, the crowd, and becoming an individual, realising that you are different and finding your own identity.
Sometimes it can also mean receiving the greatest gift of all - that of peace of mind in truely realising our purpose.

This process may often come when we are least prepared.
I wonder whether this process of the soul starts very, very early for some of us.
Our soul has already done this process of becoming individual and then spends years telling us "Yes, you do not fit in cause you are NOT SUPPOSED TO!!!! You are supposed to just be you and not like everybody else!!".
Therefore we have actually GOT it - its the rest of them that don't.
Brilliant isnt it.

So next time you say to yourself - gee, I dont fit in, be proud of it cause your soul has worked it all out for you, now just spend your time being you and have a little smirk at all the sheep just doin' the same thing as everybody else...
the hard work is all still in front of them.

Seal Rocks Lighthouse

Original picture was snapped at Seal Rocks a few weeks ago when we took a day trip - quite a pretty place although the last few kilometres is on dirt road and a bit hairy!
The Lighthouse is on a very steep hill top - you need a good heart to get up there and a cool day so that you dont slide down in your own sweat!

visit with mum.

Took a drive to Sydney today to visit mum - have not seen her in a few weeks and so I needed to make the effort.
Mum is O.K. I guess - very depressed and disorientated. Her hair has grown long, so I have organised a visit with the hairdresser for her for next week.
She has swollen feet and a chest infection, so not terribly well.
She feels a bit trapped in her environment, but has come to the understanding that this is the best place for her, even though she still mentions that she would love to come and live with one of us.
I feel very sorry for her - it is sad to see her now, sad to see the deterioration,she is so happy to see me it is hard to leave -

Verwy, verwy busy!

Yes I am, bless the gods...now we just have to manifest some sales and all things on heaven and earth will be equal!

I will now be showing on the Hunter Street Mall at a new Gallery space called "Ciao Meow" with one painting now and a few more for the month of October.

I will also be exhibiting at the Hunter Valley Palate Exhibition at the Hunter Valley Grammer School, The Mattara Exhibition, Stockton RSL Art Show and St Lukes Church exhibition.

I am also still showing at "Sniddy's" on Beaumont street and of course our "BIGGIE"
at Rose Cottage -
The Cottage Artists Guild present "Create" a celebration of diversity in art starting from October 9th and open to the public on Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th October from 10am to 4 pm.
Please wish me luck!

A full moon is always a time when we get together as a group to celebrate...being a group!
It is always hard to find the time and to spare a night away from the family - but it is always a re-energising experience to share a committed path with other like minded individuals.
Last night was an enormous pleasure - Jewell and Kay organised a magical evening which was capped off with a sojourn to the obelisk ( a totally amazing spot ) where we gathered and called in the dragons. There was thunder on the horizon, a 360 degree view of the city and ocean and a halo around the moon.
It went from howling wind to howling witches and then to total peace and stillness.
Then we sent the dragons to organise a table for us at a local haunt for coffee and enjoyed each others company over hot drinks until council regulations called upon the witches to leave.
WOW....

My poor veins...

Ouch my legs hurt from standing all bloody day long...
actually they pound from the inside..each day there is one more blue hideous vein that seems to snake down my leg that was not there yesterday - standing all day long is not a good thing, especially on cold hard concrete that has electical wiring running through it..
and I am fast running out of clothes that fit me..I need to get fit ( er )...
but the idea of exercise is not something I relish thinking about....lets not talk about actually doing any.
I am just too tired at the moment..just cant seem to get energy levels up.

anyway..only a few more days and hopefully some time at home, although next week seems to be filling up for me and I want to take a trip to Sydney to visit mum as well.

Everyone wants some Indian Root Pills..

My new painting..
This is a picture of a barn heading towards Morpeth from East Maitland.
I remember seeing it as a child when my parents would drive past it on the way to visit their friends.
Over the years, the barn has fallen into disrepair, but recently it has had a face lift and the old Indian Root Pills sign has been repainted.
I dont hold too many memories from my childhood, but this image is stored away amongst the few.

more wierdness...

last night a got a place name for my little girl....it was Chai - Tao.

So this morning I just had to google it...and, low and behold, there IS such a place in ShangHai China, near the border with Korea.

Last night, another bizarre dream about a certain French President ( now, I reiterate, that is is A DREAM people - I dont want any more creepy people ringing me about what I write on my blog ok! ) This man is very, very smart and carismatic - he has a very beautiful wife.
He knows a lot about some very influential people in Europe and in this dream I, through certain conversations, got embroiled in the middle of his latest scandal.
I remember being approached by him, after being placed in a position of probable contact.
He does love women and this will be his downfall.
In the end I was going to get myself into rather a bad pickle with authorities but was saved with a "get out of jail card" by the President assuring my safe escort out of the country.
This man has a great deal of power through what and who he knows....mmmmmmm
now where did THAT come from.

so much more exciting than heading to Greenhills eh.......

One foot in each world...

One of those bizarre dreams/experiences last night where I feel asleep yet awake.
i wanted to write this down so that I remember it....
I remember knowing that I stepped into the body of a young girl, about seven or eight years old. I was seeing through her eyes but I knew that I was me..and I was thinking "what am I doing here"?
This did not last long - just a few minutes.
I was walking through an old home, where this child lived.
No one was home accept for an old woman sitting in a room at the back of this house.
I am assuming she was grandma.The house was full of little rooms where the extended family or families lived.
No lighting accept natural light comming through open windows.
No elecrticity at all.
Almost no furniture.
I (she) was looking for her scabby black cat - just a baby. A dirty, thin creature - totally black and only a few months old.
She called it "Meow - Meow".
Finally the cat was found and craddled in the childs arms with the greatest of love as if this would be the only thing that this child could ever call her own - her only possession.
I did not know this child's name but I had a feeling it was all happening in China.
I later tried to remember details and the name "Chao Tzu" came to me.
I just so vividly remember saying to myself ,"What in the hell am I doing here? What am I supposed to see or do?"
That was it...I was gone..

Just finished...

There was quite a debate about this pic!
I liked it, the man was not fussed...
My art teacher said that it could be a 'good little exercise".
Anyway, I decided to give it a go and am very pleased with the result.
Just finished it this afternoon...wanted to get it done before I start working.

Something you can never get used to!

To be truthful, the wait required for results of bi annual PSA tests is one that requires alcohol and headache tablets...
It is something that sits in the back of your mind and all kinds of crazy thoughts are given birth until the phone call from the doctor comes to relieve the tension.
The man, ofcourse, is a lot more sensible than I and probably has an inner knowing about his health so just does it.
Did a party booking last night at Lorn, Maitland - readings for 7 people.It was a great evening but it took 3 hours to get through them which kind of does your head in by the end..but a great little monetary pick up.
Its a bit crazy to think that September is only a week away and I would normally be gearing up to Calendar Club - but this year I am schedualing in psychic fairs and art exhibitions which whould have been impossible for me to be part of in years past.
The man still lives in hope that I will become gainfully employed in a "real" job so we can pay some bills and buy more shit....or maybe he has just given up?
I will be doing book sales for the next two weeks at Greenhills....so thats something at least.

Seal Rocks, PSA results and Calendar!

We went for a drive to Seal Rocks yesterday to take some pics so that I can paint some more paintings.It was very pretty but not really too many photos were taken. We stopped at Sugarloaf Lighthouse and made our way up to the top panting and heaving like geriatric pensioners for some spectacular views.
The whales were even there with two cavorting in the warm waters just in front of us.
I imagined the female whale having a conversation with themale whale saying,"Gee George, you always take me to Seal Rocks for our holiday! I bored, bored, bored with the same old shit......I want to go to Vanuatu next year"
and George responding...
"Yes dear"...

The man's six monthly PSA tests came back sparkling and gleamy today - Under 0.01% which means undetectable !!!!!! Yay....

Also our calendars from the Art Society are out with my picture featuring in March 2010! BUT THEY BLOODY SPELT MY NAME WRONG THE DUNDERHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, anyone wanting a copy can let me know they are gorgeous with heaps of room to write in and only $12 each with 50% of the proceeds going to the WESTPAC HELICOPTER SERVICE!!!!!!!
Grab one and check out March!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's way cool!!!!!!!!

The Slug child and the Hounds

What a glorious picture...and these dogs are this close all night long!
The "walking carpet" ( Fred the husky ) has always slept on his bed on the other side of the room but now he has to copy the Maksimus and get as close as possible and the little black doggy ( Maks ) just makes sure he can rest his butt on one of us and he is happy.....
The slug child who was not a doggy person at all now is quite besotted with the black sausage with chooky legs and wants one of her very own.....

Could not be bothered?

Seems to me that there is a lot of "could not be bothered" around.
I guess I am also a culprit of this syndrome...but it is getting a bit tiresome.
I am actually tired of it myself...tired of my own "not bothering".
Time to bother again..
I thought the recession was only an economic one, but it seems to have hit us all on a personal level as well.
We are all having our own little mini recessions where we are just "frozen in time"
waiting for the better times to come again...

Whats going on with the blogs?
Are we over that too?
Everyone has gone to twitter and facebook - of course it takes a lot less time.
Is that what it is?
Are we all running out of time, so twitter is the next best thing to nothing at all?
Seems like everyone has so much to deal with, life is so complicated and we go round in circles..
we are spending so much time on things that dont interest us and so much time sitting in front of the computer where we "virtually" talk and communicate to people.
There seems to be less need for face to face contact or could we be just not bothering to actually expend the effort to meet, sit and chat....it just so easy to sit and do it on-line.
For all the other person knows you could be cutting your toe nails while watching t.v. and eating a frozen dinner all at the same time as having a deep and meaningful
email exchange...
I dont know if this is a good thing..
In a way you are anonymous and therefore not required to commit yourself. I find this really annoying when I get a booking for a reading for example, and the client is DESPERATE..
they need a reading now...so you change things,get in the car, drive there,set up and then they don't turn up and dont even ring to say that they are not going to come......
What about some common courtesy?

just my thoughts...

What a week!

Today I shared a lovely morning with Deb, Jen, Gayle, Cheryl and sweet Mary for a coffee at Glendale - it was nice to get together.
Unfortunately, I set my alarm too early therefore arriving an hour before time ( silly me )and realising that I was there far too early.
So I did some shopping and had a walk around.
I then went to pick up my other paintings from Raymond Terrace and took a drive to Blackbutt Reserve to take some photos.
Its all a bit empty there at the moment - no emus and no kangaroos and wallabies.
Dont know where they have put them?
They are still repairing after the last storm.

I am hoping to go for a long drive with the man this week up to Seal Rocks to take more photos.
This is the plan...shhhhhh..... dont tell the universe cause it may choose something different.
Tomorrow night at YAAD....chocolate crackles!!!!!!!!!!!!!I made them today!!!

Hello mum...remember me?

Went to visit mum today. She was very surprised to see me although I had told her we were coming...tears in her eyes, very up and down emotionally.
I guess this is what a bout of depression must be like.
SHe had been complaining for weeks about pain in her side and finally now we have been told that she has had a cracked rib poor darling...the deterioration in her bones means that this could be something that becomes quite a common event.
Otherwise she looks good but has problems knowing where her room is and what she is doing there and the constant pain would be a torture!!!!!

It was a lovely trip down and the man did a bit of personal shopping while we were there and we dropped into the local shopping centre that has a marvelous deli with lots of smelly cheeses and meats ( yummm )
At least she did not complian when we were leaving we just took her to be with the "other inmates" and off we went.
Still, such a crazy experience.....I cannot fathom my mum being there and not in her house.

Meanwhile I sold a painting today!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!!!Just a small one, but one none the less.
On the other hand, my picture framer destroyed one of my precious paintings yesterday by dropping another picture on it and ripping a huge hole in the canvas.....needless to say, I was shattered when I saw it and still cannot believe that it happened....now we have to try and fix it, somehow.....

Redhead Shark Tower

This is my latest artwork - it is slightly larger than most other canvases that I do.
It is 50cm x 40 cm.
It is from a picture that I took of Redhead beach at sunset.
What a glorious place!
We certainly have some wonderful spots here in Newcastle.
Hope you like it - I am very happy with the way it has come out.

Some days are just blah!

Sore stomach - too much crap.
Irritable bowel, eating fudge and cookies does not help.
Also headache and back pain.
Is the weather about to change?
Usually my back will let me know when rain is coming.
Oh and what I ribbing I got about my poor blue track suit on the weekend...just because it is so 1980's...why are people are so unkind! ( to quote Kamahl )
then my hair took a scorching and also some cups that I have been using that came from my mother's...all of which deserve to be binned.
I think I have trouble letting go?
or moving on?
maybe........

Another weekend...

Yesterday, I took my daughter and nine of her friends to Sydney to attend a Manga ( Japanese Art ) Convention. We took the train and all the girls were really good.We left at 6.45 and got to Sydney just after 9am. Then we got a bus to the Uni of NSW and I left the girls to enjoy the next six hours while I walked around and had numerous cups of coffee. I also could not use my debit card to get out any money from my account as for some reason I kept on being told that my PIN was incorrect.Thank goodness I took enough money with me, but...
What if I had no money on me at all?
I called the bank and they said they could not do anything about it...so I am going to the bank tomorrow to make a complaint.They can stick their card up their arse.
This morning I took the family to the Eurobar for breakfast as a thanks for helping with the house cleaning last week.
We got one offer on the house yesterday ( we had an open house ) but the offer was too low - at least it seems that people are interested in the house. Obviously they are going to try to get it as cheaply as possible, but I do have a limit that I need to get to pay for mums "incarceration"and any "prison clothes" and extras that may be needed as the years roll by.
It was quite strange to see a "for sale" sign on the house.

A big weekend!

I spent the weekend doing the last bits of cleaning to the house with the help of mum in law and sis in law - I intend to pay them back with a lovely breakfast out this Sunday for all their hard work.
The place looks good - its clean and tidy and has beautiful varnished wooden floorboards all the way through that are now clean and revealed from underneath the filthy old carpet that has been hoiked...
Just waiting for the yard to be done ( I have hired someone to do that! ) and we are ready for sale!
The first ad will go in the paper on Saturday.
I am screamingly tired and now face the chaos that has been building in my place as I have transferred bags of shit and just left them piling up in the hallways and every available corner.
So I am determined to sort and clean as I go - this may take weeks..
I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH STORAGE SPACE....and the way I put hings away may mean that things may be lost forever..............
At the end of this week I will take four of my paintings to an art exhibition being held at Raymond Terrace - here's hoping I get lucky and sell something!