Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Sore Thighs - Losing my Will to Live!

Thinking about:
....Watching "the One" last night - seeing poor young Mitchell being booted out.
Ouch.....he really did well and was dignified about leaving.Good on him!I could not have been judged in such a way cause I'm a wuss!
....The Pope in Oz - could the Muslims have done something similar and have been treated equally? What about us wiccans or pagans? What if we held "World Pagan Day" and carried around pictures of the Goddess in all her forms and faces?
....Michelle, and knowing that feeling of missing out on all the fun at the Cottage. Feeling left out, so far away from friends.We do love ya 'chell.
....Feeling the dynamics change at home with the man going back to work and being the main breadwinner again.
....missing the man, and knowing how important my relationship with him still is to me.
....thinking about close ones dealing and dying of cancer and how horrid that is.
....getting baby girl to get serious about school work and cleaning up her room.
....Feeling that my identity is one that I have 'settled' on - that I really do not know what my identity is.
Understanding that I am never really "enough" for anybody - that they think that I should be different, better, less, more, happier, funnier, prettier, more available, understanding, psychic, loving,optimistic,modern, trendy,capable - maybe I'll stop there.
How do I do all of that?
Most of the time I am just fumbling through, trying to keep my head above the water line...
....contemplating YAAD and what I am teaching and what it is teaching me.
....needing to find some real work and having no desire whatsoever to do so..

4 comments:

Faerie said...

Be easy on yourself as your world has changed and it is fueling the search for meaning and understanding once more ... this is an exciting time - though it does not feel like it :-)

xxxx

Lisa said...

you are more than enough in any of your aspects- and how nice to read a 'personal' post from you- very nice indeed.
Yep, poor shell, i think about her all the time too x

Helen said...

you can only be what you are when you can...don't beat yourself up over what others think or want

Anchell said...

Ahhh but if you arent enough for someone else then it is their inadequacy not yours ...but you know this....stuff em all