In my spare time..................

I started back at art class last Monday and had to have something to work on...so I painted like a mad thing last week and started and abandoned two paintings that were just awful!!!!!!! So on Saturday night I had to find a cool and calm moment and start again.
I have been working on my cherries in brief moments amidst the chaos.
Today I challenged myself with the stove at mums place - it had never been cleaned and it took six buckets of water and four hours to make it sparkle.
Then I DID get out the good old gumption ( yes...you certainly can buy it ) and got stuck into the rest of the kitchen..I even went over stuff I had done a week ago cause gumption can take off tattoos ( not really, but almost ) cause it's that bloody good.
This weekend my mother in law and sister in law and I are doing the final bits - thank you to all who have offered to help, but my mother in law is a work horse to rival none and together we have worked like a whirlwind.
I did notice a brown gunk coming off the walls in the kitchen today and I could not figure out where it had all come from..
then it hit me that it must have been from years of smoking.Mum smoked until she was about 70 odd before giving up because it was too expensive.

Where can I buy elbow grease?

I am out of elbow grease...I used up my supply today but have only done two rooms.
Therefore I need to buy some more.....anyone know where I can get some from (cheap)?
The Salvo's rescued me today and took all the wardrobes which made the rooms nice and empty.
I have gagged on a variety of spores and mould that has been growing for over twenty years behind said wardrobes when I had the audacity to disturb their habitat and try to clean the walls.
Now spores and mould have been attacked with several different types of toxic chemicals which neccessitated the need for goggles and a mask as my eyes started to water........ and are DEAD!
Walls look like a crazy multicoloured spew and room will need a coat of paint.
Mother in law ( bless her )took five hours to clean the laundry ( dont ask me why that long )
but you can now eat off the fucking floor....
Round Two tomorrow............

Im an old scrubber..

Yes, you knew that already???
Tomorrow I hope that the Salvos will come and pick up the wardrobes and crap left over, but......they have a right to not take the stuff if they do not want to, if it is broken to heavy or I do not smile and beg them!
Maybe I should give them $20 just to take it?
Other than that nothing exciting is happening - mum is getting narky and making phone calls asking to come home.
She is getting into the really angry stage that often happens, where they hate their kids for putting them in a home ( for their own good, by the way ).
They do not see it that way of course - cant blame them.
How would I feel if I had to move out of my home and could not come back?
But the additional guilt trip of "how could you do this to me?" is not what I need right now, so I am staying clear.

All good girls go scrub a dub dub...

This week I pull up my sleeves and grin and bear the pain and clean and scrub mum's house.
We have organised a really great agent ( an old aquaintance ) and she has been really helpful.
Most of the stuff is now gone and a quick phone call to the Smith Family may clear the rest.
Brother is just not interested in any cleaning or caretaking - he is almost willing to "give the place away at rock bottom prices" just so that all of this dissappears and is no longer a blight on his life..
Well and good for him but the curtains still need to be washed and the floors scrubbed, no one wants to walk into a shit hole and then be asked to buy it!
This money has to do mum for the rest of her days - my family is not rich enough to pull money out of our pockets to pay for any needs. Every dollar will be a dollar we do not have to spend..
So please pray for a quick and bountiful sale!

Thank Goodness that's over!

Was up at sparrow fart to organise our garage sale today.
Finally got all the stuff out of the house and the first guy turns up just after 7.30.
Then they came from everywhere!!!
In the end I was virtually giving stuff away, but I was not going to carry any of it back inside just to have to call someone to take it to the salvos!
Best of all the fridge and the washing machine got sold - these were the only two items of any value and a fellow from a second hand shop gave me a deal to take all the nik naks and china cabinets, so va voom!!!!
I have four old wardrobes to get rid of so will have to get the smith family in to take those and then I can start in on the really hard work....
I was so worried about today I did not sleep half the night, but thank the Gods it all went very well.

40 years of dirt....

Well I made a massive mistake and went in today to clean the walls in my parents house...to get started and get it ready for sale....and I must have used too strong a mix of sugar soap as the paint came off with the dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I have a huge ugly patch which means that I will have to paint over it..more work.
I have to get my brother to help me with this. I cannot do this on my own.
I am just too tired already.
Pangs of hate rose in me as I stood looking at the amount of work in front of me to get that house looking clean and thinking that my parents, both of them did not life a finger to clean that place in over 40 years.
Yes...I hear you....they were both pensioners..
Mums view of cleaning extended to wiping over the kitchen sink ( the cleanest part of the house ) but it did not extend to taking stuff out of the cupboards and cleaning those for example...let us not go to any other part of the house...
The place looks clean if you stand back and just glance over things, but in reality EVERYTHING is dusty, dirty and each wall has a build up of grime.
Also we have pulled old wallpaper off the walls in my old bedroom and that will now need an enormous scrub.
I'm over it!!!!!

POST 666! Beware as this post is possessed and will lead you to no good!

And if you believe in that you are a silly sausage!
I said "goodbye - ta ta" to the Cottage committee today ( to the cheering of Deb!) as I feel it is time for a break to let other more creative minds battle it out ( I have been part of the organising committee for about 5 years ) - but I have entered into another "so called" agreement that I suggested earlier this year and want to see through - it was mentioned again today, and so I am hoping that with the approval of the rest of the Cottage we will move ahead and have a proper Cottage Artisans exhibit in October...that is all I am willing to say at this stage, but it just may be quite exciting....

I am busy sorting clothes and nik naks for sale at a garage sale ( what price do you put on shit???)

We had a quote on the sale of the house today and now I have to start that ball rolling as soon as I can so we can pay mum's "prison" bond.
Nothing is ever easy though and all bits and pieces often become complicated as they go.

Last night I tried to start some painting but the Gods were not going to play ball and so everything that could go wrong, did, with paint spilled on the floor and over my clothes, the dog and bits of furniture..and poor hubby who is full up with the flu, has had to pull apart a rotten stinking air brush that I hate with a passion because it is always clogging up and being a pain in the butt ( yes......let us not blame the artist, but the tools )
So it may be a while before you see another masterpiece - bugger....

Catching up with mum's keepers..

Called the nursing home today and finally got through - this was my fourth attempt, the other times the phone just rang out ( they must be busy )..
She is fine, so they say, settling in ok and has made some friends one of whom was an old aquaintance from Newcastle.
Good.
I did not bother to speak with her as she was having an intense game of "magnetic fish " with the other residents and how could she possibly tear herself away!!!
Otherwise I am having trouble getting things done.
Just like everyone else it seems...I have to take small steps.
Have rung my first real estate agent who is coming out to see the house tomorrow.
Maybe a garage sale this weekend?
Have started walking with Diana again, taking it slowly this time as I am now an elderly citizen.....not like the break neck pace our sweet Gayle made us do...

Skelingtons in the closet...

What do we find when we go through our parentals house?
We find stuff and shit that we forget ever existed thats what!
I found my first ever books on witchcraft that are about 35 years old now, I have promised to bring them into class on Monday for my girls to have a look.
I DID buy them new and they are a precious memory to me just verifying that I have always been on this spiritual path.
I have found bits and pieces and many photos that have brought back a flood of bad and good memories.
It is hard to pick and choose what to keep and what to discard.
But it all piles up and I have stuff in every corner of every room - I will have to get in and really concentrate on storing, labeling and cleaning ( Diana I may need you!!! )
I have also now inherited a cupboard full of mums clothes that I have to keep in case she needs any extra changes...my house is busting at the seams and we have not sorted any furniture yet...

Mums new home

Some views of the nursing home.
One is of the outside courtyard area. The other is the view of the dining room and of mum's room.
Today is the first day that I will not be seeing mum in such a long time.
I will give it a few days before I call - best leave her to adjust without further trauma.

The Eagle has landed!

Phew! What a day...I am exhausted.
Well, "Ëlvis is in the building!"

We left early this morning, manned with a borrowed GPS, which unfortunately shut down just after reaching Pennant Hills.
Bugger.....driving blind in the Western Suburbs raised my blood pressure and my mother in law was kept busy trying to restart the GPS with the ruddy thing shutting down every five minutes.
We took a few wrong turns and ended up stopping at Macca's on the way for a well earned coffee.I tried to use a map but that was useless.
Mum asked why we had gone so far to go to Macca's and when could we go home..
Then we got to the nursing home and straight to a hot lunch and a meeting with the other inmates.
Mum was then taken away to attend a "party" and we busied ourselves setting up her room and filling in paperwork.his took some time.
A little more time together then it was a quick goodbye while some of the ladies took mum under their wings and distracted her and we were out the door.
I will post a photo or two tomorrow after a good night's sleep and an emotional rest.
Dont ask me how I feel...

Tomorrow is D-Day

Mum was extremely upset today - depression has set in and she is fearful and crying all the time.
I am sooooo happy that we take her tomorrow.
I am also quite scared and am hoping it all goes well.
Today was a whirlwind of organising money, packing her clothes, labelling everything, buying some extras...I have not stopped.
I soooo hope this goes well.

Polish Nursing Home Marayong!

Well, I have come back from Sydney today spending some of the day at the Polish Nursing Home at Marayong.
I must say that I was VERY impressed.
The facility is totally new so it is extremely clean and well appointed.
Mum's room, the one we have chosen, is looking out onto a courtyard with a lovely fountain in the middle that she will be able to see from her armchair.
The rooms are quite big, but empty - there is only a single bed, armchair and bedside table.
We can bring some paintings to hang in her room and photos but nothing else other than clothes are allowed.
She also will have an ensuite.
There is a multipurpose meeting area just a few metres down the corridor where there is a TV and dining area with a kitchen that produces Polish food and a Polish menu.
The staff are all Poilsh and so are the other "ïnmates".
The doctor will be Polish as well. They have an on site hairdressing salon, a theatrette, a coffee shop and a church. The priest is also Polish.
All going well I will be taking her down in the next few days and she will be VERY HAPPY.
I really do think so.I believe this atmosphere will really outweigh the fact that we will have limited contact as the weeks go by.
She is in her little world where everyone is her best friend or family member, the T.V. is showing her life story and I can be either her mother, her daughter, her best friend or her neighbour depending on the day.
I am sure that the trip to Sydney will be unsettling but I have asked my mother in law to help on the day.
In the mean time I have to label all her clothes, pack and organise it all so we can pick mum up from the hospital and head off without any hiccups.
This is costing a fortune but it will be worth it, for peace of mind.

Emotionally moving on

Yesterday was quite a profound day.A huge amount of papers, cards, old bills and letters to go through.
Many things learnt from reading old family letters from the old country.
Revelations about how mum could not be with her mother when she was dying, how desperate the family was to get in contact with her. Finding the letter advising my mum of her mother's death and my father's mother's death notice - all so sad.
Neither mum nor dad went back overseas to be with their families at these times.
Dad never went back overseas, ever, and mum only went back once with me when I was 21.
I found a short story about dads life that he had written and many bits and pieces from times that I remember.
Very little stuff about us - me or my brother - it was all about their life which was entwined in the Polish community.
I felt very melancholy last night and hubby did something special by finding a phone contact to family members we had not seen in 19 years from Poland.
SO he called them on a off chance we all fell over each other with delight to be in contact again. I told them about my mum ( as this is the only family I have left in Poland that know )and we promised to keep in contact with each other.
I have been cleaning the kitchen and washing and removing things that should have been removed years ago.

It is a pity that most of my mother's lfe will end up in a skip or a bin as it is virtually worthless to anyone else other than her and she will no longer be needing it.
Her shit reminded her of her life and it was important to her - this I have to respect even if I find no value in these items myself.
In fact it was all that she had, but in the scheme of things there is nothing worth anything in the material sense.
Old people keep everything - pens, rubber bands, plastic bands, lids, old papers....notes with reminders of names and addresses, dates and times..

Mum was more settled when I visited with her today - yet as I sat there she actually forgot that I was there and was asking after me.
Then she thought she was at home and told me to go and make myself a sandwich.
I also bought her some cordial for her water and she proceeded to show me the bottle after about five minutes telling me that she had just been to the shops to get that for me...
They say that at this point there is no reason to try and convince them of anything else ...there is no point in making them anxious about the mistakes that they are making..they no longer understand, and when they do realise that they are confused...they cry..

Transfer to Belmont

Mum was transfered to the Belmont Residential Care Unit today and it was very stressful for her even though I had been there for a few hours getting her ready (so to speak).
She clung to me and called out for her "mother" which then in turn meant that she clung to me thinking I was her mother.
She was so frightened - as I guess she will be from now on faced with the smallest of changes..
By the time she got to Belmont and into bed she was exhausted which meant that, at least I could leave and let her get some sleep.
Today she was again speaking to everyone as if they had been her neighbours or family friends from way back trying to convince me that the lady in the bed next to her was my husband's mother and the old fellow in the bed opposite was an old Polish friend who she could not understand why he would not talk to her.
There was no point in explaining otherwise.
I spoke to my doctor today about mum and she suggested that there is a possibility that mum may have had some mini strokes which have caused the dramatic changes of late.
Who knows....
Also had my hormones checked...and at the grand old age of 50 I am not even pre - menopausal....not even coming close...so no croning for me for another 10 years...

Strange Days

Frantic calls from the hospital from a woman lost between the worlds..
so wanting to go home.
so wanting to remember, then forgeting that she wants to remember, then forgetting me, then forgetting words, feelings, needs.
The quick onset of all of this has been hard to watch..

At the moment its like someone put a handmixer into mums brain and swooshed it up into a big milk shake.
Mum is in the John but will be moved shortly out to Belmont to a intermediate unit where she will stay until we can have her placed into a nursing home.
This may take a week or two or three or more.
In the mean time I have to see her every day so that there is some connection and familiarity in her life.
Every move means more confusion and she thinks she is coming home - how do I tell her that she wont be?
The house has to be cleaned, friges, cupboards, garbage, clothes sorted documents filed and checked.
This will take time..so dont expect too much from me.
I am stocking up on wine.

Its been a while between masterpieces...

In the midst of the chaos I find solace and calm in descending the stairs away from the real world and into my haven of painting, where there is just concentration on the moment of paint touching canvas...

A complication!

Mum took another turn down the rabbit hole, last night or this morning sometime, and I found her in a bad state this morning.
So an ambulance was called and she is in hosptial again.
It may be a urinary tract infection.
They are not sure.
But she is hazy, and disorientated and I assume that this will only get worse over the next few days, as it did last time she was in hospital.
This time, I do not think there will be an opprotunity foir her to return home.
I think we have given it a go - it is what happens when we are not there that has now become the major concern and she is showing us that she just cannot manage it on her own as much as she thinks that she can.
It was all going so well.....

Watching the light fade...

Well, I really dont feel like writing about anything at all for a while..
So I may be here or not as time goes by..
I watch my mother fading with each day.
There are things that she wont do now that she was still doing last week.
I cannot entice her to leave the house.
She is not interested in calling any of her friends or talking to anybody other than me or my brother.
She has forgotten how to change the channels on T.V.
She wont make herself a cup of tea or mix up cordial with water for a drink.
She sleeps most of the time and has disconnected from reading and writing which was something that she was always doing.
She also, at times, has trouble talking with the words just going missing and stops mid sentence often as if she is seeing and looking at things that I do not.
I really dont know how long this will go on for?