Just some small challenges...

1.GETTING OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING AND STAYING UP.
2.TRYING TO PAINT "FOLDS" IN A WHITE TABLECLOTH IN MY NEXT MASTERPIECE.
3.DOING SOME EXERCISE.
4.READING ALL THE BOOKS I HAVE BORROWED FROM THE LIBRARY.

Had the most bizzarre dream about Armaggeddon and that I was living through it...hell, fire and brimstone, cluster lightning and thunder, smoldering boulders flying through the sky, buildings exploding and crashing - pieces landing near my house, heat, smoke, no where to hide,beyond war, beyond terror, horror.

Ok, so what am I getting myself into now?
I guess it is only a reflection of something that I either feel or am going to come up against...

What shits me this Thursday

1. Alan Bond back on the rich list.
2. The fact that he is making money on Diamonds - have you seen the conditions of those that work in the diamond mines?
3.The price of petrol and the thought that I may have to sell my beloved Volvo cause I can't afford to fill the tank.
4.The price of groceries and that we have to buy overseas shit when our farmers are going broke.
5. The state of our river systems and that people with the knowledge of how to fix it are not being allowed to do so.
6. The fact that they are still making such a big deal about stem cell research, when it can be doing so much good.
Why are people having to go to India to get this treatment?
7. That the man who developed microwave therapy to help cancer patients has been treated as a witch doctor by the establishment.
8.That the media is continually on a campain or terror and slander, as long as it can make them a buck.

A good week..

Sometimes doing readings can be very uplifting, cause you get some feedback - that can be a rare thing.
I did a reading for a lady on Sunday who showed me some fantastic pictures taken of her scattering her mother's ashes on the beach at Nobby's.There was a definate flare in the photo - not a photographic or camera anomoly for sure. She asked me some questions and we got on to other things. Later that evening she actually sent me an email thanking me for the reading.
On Monday I had a lady come to see me at the Cottage for a reading - I felt that most of the reading was hard going - I was telling her things she didn't want to hear, but I did it anyway. I really felt that she was not going to be happy with the reading in the end, but as she was leaving she actually grabbed me and gave me a hug and said "thankyou".
Today I had a guy come back to see me - he had come to see me about a year ago. Another really difficult reading. But he came back - that meant that in some way, he must have trusted me after that first time. That impressed me. How did the reading go?
It was still difficult...but I beleive that it made him think about things.

Sometimes it seems to me that I am talking in riddles, that there is no connection. But, it is not up to me to feel good or bad about a reading - it has to say something to the person I am reading for, it doesn't have to fulfil my needs or satisfy me.It's not about me. So this week has been good and I am grateful for those people to have crossed my path.

I have a pile of new books to read and have been to the library and gotten "The Celestine Prophecy" on CD. I have found that I really enjoy listening to tapes in the car while driving, so I will get the man to make me a copy.

I need an extra brain. The one I have is not enough.

Survived YAAD

Last night was my first night of the new YAAD class and I am happy to say that all went well.
Unfortunately they all wanted to stay and have a chat afterwards and I was pushing them out the door after class as I wanted to get home...
Teaching is quite complicated - there is a lot of pressure on you to deliver a sensible dialogue and to keep it interesting. I can sometimes feel myself standing there going "what do I think I am doing?", but with a class full of newbies there will always be someone who asks a really good question and that will open up a whole new area of discussion.

I am still feeling tired in the mornings and my wish is to continue sleeping - it is very hard to get going.

Am meeting my older daughter daughter for lunch today - she just got herself a new job in town with a hot shot law firm and is very happy. Plus she is going to be earnng quite a very good wage ( always a bonus ).

Psychic Fair at Maitland

Spent the day at East Maitland Bowling Club at a Psychic Fair today. It turned out pretty good even though, to begin with, I was a bit worried about how the day would pan out.
I made some money, so it was all good.
There was one creepy guy who was doing a reading for a ten year old boy who was accompanied by his mother - he was with him for over an hour!I really think that it is wrong to do a reading for someone so young even if they have their mother with them. I have done some palmistry for a few teenagers but it is more about an explanation of character traits and strengths and weaknesses - I try to avoid any readings for under 18 year olds like the plague but sometimes you are placed in a difficult situation and it is hard to say no so palmistry comes in handy.
But to do a reading at a psychic fair and to fill a young lads head with whatever?
Not my cup of tea sorry...

Anyway, another big week ahead. I will be introduced to the new YAAD students tomorrow night - I will have a mersyndol and wine ready.

Changes

Well, I have been back on Oz for about two days now and am still finding it hard to adjust.
Because of the time difference, we were often still up at 3am ( our time )and so my body clock is still a bit out of whack - have a massive headache this morning that I cannot seem to shake.
I would like to go back to bed but need to take mother to the shops..
Some things have changed in the little time that I have been away and I need to get up to speed with the happpenings at the Cottage and back in the groove of YAAD.
I finished my second painting during my art class yesterday - will post it shortly for you all to see. Am rather chuffed with the results, but, as usual in my world, the moment I find something that I like the universe starts to make things difficult for me as is happening with art, as our teacher has told us that he is cutting classes.
Pooh - I just started going!!!!
I guess, we wil see what happens there as time progresses.I just so want to continue with my art, I have waited so long to do it.

EL(F)VIS HAS RE-ENTERED THE BUILDING!!!!!

Last night in K.L.

Have met up with a friend here and given her a reading......does this make me an "international reader" now?????

Maybe not?

Had a lovely evening out with a family we have gotten to know here - they are taking us to Chinatown tomorrow.
Lots of drama today - nearly got poisoned in the stpid hotel - they started painting the timber next door with laquered paint ...stupid idiots.
The smell was shocking, so I called the manager and demanded a change of rooms immediately...they had no where to put us except in the upgraded rich arse section of the hotel - so here we are.
We also went to the "wet and wild" style theme park attached to the hotel complex today. The beby needed some encouragement to get on the slides and by the time she wanted to try them it was almost too late as we had wasted half the day changing rooms and unpacking all over again...
what a bummer for our last day eh...

I am here in the hotel lobby as it is the only place we can get internet connection...see what I do to keep in contact.

Over in the blink of an eye!

The thing about holidays is that they are all an illusion - you think about them for a long time but when they are happening they feel surreal and then before you know it - you think you were just dreaming it all anyway.

So my dream will soon be over - I will be waking up tomorrow...

We went back into K.L. city last night.The taxi drivers give you a lot of info, if you talk to them.
- all is not as it seems here in Malaysia - the muslim malays are treated with high regard and are given benefits that are not extended to malays of other religious beliefs. Then you have the other ethnic peoples who are treated even more badly - the Chinese, the Indians...all find it difficult to own anything, to get work, to be afforded the same courtesy as the muslim malays.The goverment seems to play favourites.

We decided to go into the city and walk around for a while - the Sunway is a strange place. Very uninviting I would say. We tried to get into a cinema last night but the sessions were booked out in advance, so we went into Kinokuniya again and bought some more books - crazy I know.
How can you resist - some of the titles are so good I would buy them all - we took more photos of the Petronis towers at night.

Today is Wesak - a big Hindu celebration in K.L. There will be processions in Chinatown and in the temples.It is a public holiday whis is strange as the Muslim religion is the main one in Malaysia.

We also learnt that we are not in K.L. anymore - we are actually in another state - Selangor, even though we can see the city from our hotel window and it is only a 20 minutes drive away.

Just to give you some idea.....The average wage for a cafe worker in Langkawi is about 500 ringit - approx $150 a month. They survive on tips and in the off season, between May to August they hardly have enough money to buy food.
The taxi drivers get one day off a month, yet still have to pay the car rental every day - if they get sick they must get someone else to drive the taxi for them so that they can pay the rental on it. They cannot own their own taxi unless they are muslim malays.Petrol is about 80 cents per litre. Most taxis run on lpg gas.
Most food is a lot cheaper here - the shopping complex has a supermarket and it is easy to compare.

Still,we in Australia do not know how lucky we are - we still live in the best counrty in the world and travelling reminds me of this fact every single time.

Today we take baby girk to the theme park - the man and her have stopped coughing somewhat.I am not looking forward to exposing my fat arse to thousands of foreigners.How I wish I had a figure, other than 808 turned on its side.....

Get me outa here!!!!

I am in an all to human environment and my Phartian mentality has become strained....
shopping complexes and Phartians do not mix well - but we ventured out as it is little coughing baby's birthday today so we needed to have Macca's and find a birthday cake.
This we did - and we have sung happy birthday and eaten chocolate cake. We might go to the cinema and watch "Narnia - Prince Caspian" as this is baby girls wish.

The man is a shadow of himself - snoffing and coughing and burning chest and all.

We are holding up well.

Lots of Asians ( strange about that eh? ) and we are sometimes the only "white people" to be seen...
Many people from Singapore head into this hotel complex as it is direct from the airport - they can get off a plane, bypass K.L. central, book into a room and shop til they drop ( everything is apparently hugely cheaper here than in Singapore although for us it is as expensive as at home ). Not so many Arabs, but when one appears in a head to toe black outfit with only the eyes showing it is still somewhat spooky looking.

The Indians are pushy and rude and we only see Malays serving in the shops - this place is too expensive for them. It IS only a shopping mall and the main hotel lobby acts as a thoroughfair for the mall itself so there is a constant stream of people passing through.

I really want to go back to K.L. but I dont know whether the clan will be well enough to take the trip - we need to catch a taxi into town, about a 20 minute drive.

It is Sunday today - a day off for most Malays and we are told that it is their day to sleep in and then to go window shopping. Tomorrow they celebrate Wesak and it is another holiday for them so it will be busy everywhere.

I would prefer to be back on the beach at Langkawi - at least it would be quiet.
But the idea of travelling is to experience as much as possible - good, bad or indifferent.

There are amazingly few Americans here - maybe as it is a Muslim country?
I don't know, but we have only hear one or two people with an American accent. On the island there were many Germans, Dutch and French.

Did I mention that I broke my glasses?
Both sides are scratched and busted but still hanging together - thank goodness or I would be quite blind.

Back in K.L.

We left Langkawi Island this afternoon and we are back in K.L.
We are staying 25 minutes outside the city centre in a resort hotel called the Sunway resort.
The resort is connected to a big shopping complex that would curl your toes - I am so over shopping complexes. I have seen enough over the past week to last me a lifetime.

Well,
I have now officially done my YAAD task by having completed the cable car ride yesterday - and I have pictures of my terrified super sized arse to prove it.
It was totally amazing though - well worth the paltry $8 entry fee to travel up the highest cable car in the world. You just have to do it - no words can express getting to the top and then seeing the view.

I WILL show you pics when I return.

It's baby's 14th birthday tomorrow and we were hoping to take her to the water park ( hence the decision to stay at the resort at this time )but we are all tired and baby girl is still coughing and now the man is sniffling and snorting too....
some horible bug they have both picked up.
I am sending them to the other side of the room.

The resort is huge compared to the tiny one we stayed in on the island - when we arrived there were probably 50 people waiting to check in - I dare say a bus load of Chinese had arrived.

We are on the 20th floor and have a great view of the city.

Well, only a few days left and I will be home before you know it...

It just gets better

Well and truely enjoying this special time. The food just gets better - have no room in my fat pants for my arse to fit, but who cares - I will not get these satays at home thats for sure.
We went to the highest point on the island today - it is 11,000 ft above sea level.The view was spectacular and we saw monkeys along the roadside. We forget that there is really a jungle around us.

The place was closed at the top as they were building a new hotel near the top, but the man got a security guard to let us up to see from an observation tower - we were above the clouds.
wow...
back to town for some more shopping and then the man and I went for a swim in the warm waters of the Andaman sea and watched the sunset.

We had a super meal tonight at a very quaint restaurant that would probably be shut down if it tried to serve food in Australia, but here it had "atmosphere". The food was to die for - traditional Malay. The man had a beef randang that made him sweat and baby girl had pancakes with icecream.
Alll is good - our last full day here tomorrow - cable car here we come.

I really like it here - now that I am accustomed to it.

Survivor Langkawi

Baby has a rotten cough and only wants to sit in front of the t.v. watching her anime dvd's - she is no fun.
The man and I dropped off our laundry up the road this morning and then I just had to find some cheese as I had a craving for it {crazy eh?}
We got into our little sports car and headed off to the cable car. Unfortunately it was shut and will be tomorrow as well - so we can only hope to do it on our last day. It looks spectacular and very scary - I MEAN VERY SCARY.If I do this consider it my YAAD task done and dusted as I can see myself soiling my underwear here.

It rained for the first time today, for about half an hour and we got to see some magnificent views of the storm clouds coming in over the mountains.

Last night we had a Malay feast - it was the most expensive meal we have had while on hols.
It cost us 69 ringit which is about $33 and that was for two people - so about $17 each for a banquet style meal with yellow rice, white rice, chicken curry, satay beef and chicken, barramundi, prawn, calamari, shredded beef, potatoes in a sweet curry, fruit strips in a chilli sauce and pineapple and zuchinni in a chilli sauce.

Yes....all of this for $17 per person and we struggled to get through. It could have fed 3 people easily.

Baby girl is finding it hard to eat something on the menu, often sticking to just boring steamed rice, but what can you do? She is just not willing to try anything as hard as we try to convince her.
She is making it up with duty free chocolate.
Hope all is well at home. Thinking of you all and knowing that too soon we will be at home again.

Langkawi – where do I start?

First impressions……What the hell have we done?
Being the only white people on board the plane should have been the clue……
We arrived at a very small local airport, similar to Williamtown and got a taxi to our “resort” – we will use that term loosely here.
This place was a great let down. We knew it was cheap – but certainly the pics on the internet were not indicative of what we found.
The place is owned by a Chinese guy, therefore all the rooms end in an “8” – our room being 98. Two mattresses were to be found on a raised platform ( these were our beds ).The bathroom had lukewarm running water, so no hot showers, the fridge managed to freeze everything.
We contemplated leaving in the morning.

But, let’s breathe…
We went out the back to see the ocean – it was indeed beautiful although not really a swimming beach. We were starving so we headed into the shopping area to buy some food. Some places were closed as it was “in between” lunch and dinner, but we found an arab place called…wait for it..”Al Jazeera” and had some traditional lamb masala and rice with breads.
This place looked like what Bali must have been like about 25 years ago.

We thought whether it was possible to stay here, or, maybe we should look for another place on the island. We were tired and headed back for an afternoon snooze. The evening was spent walking around, late dinner ( 12pm our time ). T.V. has three channels – all foreign language, so we have no idea what is happening in the world. We were slightly jaded, but willing to get into the spirit of things.

Breakfast was eggs, toast and dreadful coffee with a spectacular view of the sea. We found out later that the locals ordered malay food from the place next door at 1-2 ringits ( about 50c ) and theirs was freshly prepared spicy local vegetarian stuff.

We decided to go hire a car to drive around while on the island – maybe it would cheer us up to have some freedom to explore what else was on the island. People had said that this was a duty free place – there must be shops somewhere?

So we found a place just up the road and hired their smallest car for just $15 a day.
To fill the tank cost us $10 ( petrol is about 1/3 the price of Aus petrol ) and we hit the road.

If the man wanted to change gears I had to twist my shoulder to give him space and my knees touched the dashboard – but it was hilarious and it cheered us up immensely.

We headed for the biggest place on the map and found a small township with heaps of shops. We found a large store and headed in – the baby was happy as there was a McDonalds and plenty of duty free shopping for the man and me.

The baby picked up a pair of Converse’s for $30. The man has been checking out sun glasses and has been trying to get me to buy a new watch. We got some t-shirts and a few bits and pieces.
The grog here is so cheap it is ridiculous – so things like Cruiser style drinks are about $1.25. I am stocking up to get me through and the man is going to splurge on a good bottle of scotch to take back to Aus.

The car idea was great, we will flog it to death and see as much as we can – it IS only a small island, but there are a few back roads that we can get lost on. Being a Muslim island, we have breaks in the day to hear the prayers being blasted on the radio and in the town you can certainly hear it everywhere.

We might go up to the cable car ride tomorrow and maybe find a small beach and have a swim.

There is also a cinema here, so if we get stuck we can go to the movies – it only costs about $3.50 per person.

Down time in Lagkawi

Yippee!!!Free internet access at the airport!!
We are waiting to board our local flight to the island of Langkawi - the next four days are for rest and relaxation.
NO MORE SHOPPING.
Langkawi is duty free, but they tell us that unless we smoke and drink, there is not much to buy.
I guess it remains to be seen.
I am looking forward to reading my books - am into a very interesting one by Ramtha that I picked up at the Mind, Body, Spirit Festival about manipulating time and understanding our own internal programming systems - working beyond the neocortex and into the midbrain.

This is all about quantum mechanics.

Interesting shit - but thought provoking indeed and I need some quiet space to digest it.

I can count the white English looking people on one hand - mostly Arabs and Asians here today.

Aleks has had her fill of McDonalds as there isn't one on the island - they have a mega mac here which has four beef patties - arterial clogging to say the least.

This is the next part of the journey and I am slightly apprehensive - we have heard good and bad about the island.

Talk to you all soon.

Smells like Bali!

The smells are interestingly familiar, very much like Bali - the humidity makes everything smell somewhat sweet and then you layer with spices from all the corners of the earth and you have K.L. Central.
We took a Hop-on Hop-off tourist bus to take a tour around the city - it was supposed to last 45 mins, so we were told.I had a cup of coffee before getting on - 3 hours later we were still on that bus, stuck in grid lock traffic with that cup of coffee just dying to come out. As usual the man was making the best of efforts to make me laugh - and my bladder hung teniously on tenterhooks.....
We finally made it off that bus and I literally was doubled over with a totally full bladder. We ran into the nearest Mall and searched for a toilet - finally with salvation in sight, I entered the first cubicle to find....no toilet paper, the next, no paper....NO PAPER ANYWHERE......I walked out again and was killing myself with laughter..how could this be happening? It was the Gods having a mighty good laugh...so we headed for the nearest chemist to buy some tissues I could use ( yes...I can hear you...I could have gone without the loo paper...but, no, I cant ).
To add insult to injury, the only tissues they had were being sold in six box lots....again, here I am screaming with laughter in the corner of this shop with all and sundry giving me the evil eye....we finally found some small tissue pakets up in the front counter and having purchased those......I ran.

Phew.....

Later we were met by a friend of mine's bother and sister in law and taken to a very swanky restaurant for dinner. She took us sight seeing the next day, one of the highlights being Batu caves which is a holy place about 30kms out of the city centre. You have to walk up a very steep 272 steps to get into the caves but once there it is a totally amazing place. Yes, it IS only a cave, but it has so far been the best of all places here. We spent time just sitting and watching people pray and be blessed by the priests ( It is Hindu ).
We then went to see the biggest undercover bird park in the world, still in the city and then we went to the Petronis towers to eat - it has THE BEST food hall I have ever seen!!!!!Wow, laksa, thai,indian, islamic, Morrocan,noodles, everything and all fresh and tasty.
We went to Kinokonia - a huge bookshop in the towers, most books are about half or three quaters the price of home. Thier new age section would have made you all cry!Needless to say Baby girl wanted everything she saw...we got a few books each.

We crashed but managed to get out again later on and have a Morrocan feast in one of the small restaurants near us.

Today is Mother's Day and we are taking it easy.
Some shopping this morning and venturing to Chinatown for the street stalls this afternoon.
We leave for Langkawi tomorrow.
Hope they have an internet cafe there.....
We are all well, no tummy bugs....just tired feet and aching limbs from walking and shopping.

Blow me down, I am in K.L.

Where the f***k am I?
Why is everybody so well dressed?
Yesterday we took most of the day to get to K.L.Flight was trouble free and we landed at 8pm our time after having left Newcastle at 6.30 in the morning.
K.L. Airport is so big that you need a shuttle bus from where the plane lands to take you to the terminal building! I have never seen anything so clean and huge in my life!And everyone is so quiet - Lisa you would love it here!
We took a taxi from the terminal to our hotel - another one hour trip ( almost ) on a BRAND NEW SUPER HIGHWAY......remember, we were on this road for about one hour!!!!
It nhad just been opened about three months before our arrival.

We got to our very spiffy hotel at about 10pm our time.
Our room is super and I must say the Petronis Towers at night are something else to behold - they are simply stunning. You can see them from all points of the city and they look surreal as nothing else like it lights iup the skyline.

We rested and then left to look for our first meal.
We went to Chinatown bypassing all the "big name" stores that are just over the road from where we are staying. Dolce Gabana, Lois Viton, Fendi, oh Lordy, my daugter Monika would have a cardiac arrest!
We are next to all the posh hotels ( ours sneeks in at the back ) such as the Marriott and others that are too expensive to mention.

In Chinatown we found a decent looking stall going past the fried frogs and freshly cooked turtles, still swimming in the tank ( thought that I would add that in ) and had a most sensational meal of sizzling beef, ginger chicken and fried rice all for about $12. The tastes and smells were all enveloping - I wass on overload. Did I mention that it was about 1am in the morning by now????

Aleks was falling asleep at the table and we could not feel our feet... so when we finished, we hobbled back to the hotel and went to bed about 2am.

Today we got up for a lovely brekkie with a huge amount of French pastries and toast, eggs, fruit, on and on......

We then hit the street and got into our first big Mall - the expensive places are beautiful but empty - the Malls that everyone goes to are the cheaper ones that have about seven levels with small stalls that have EVERYTHING x 10.

Aleks has sent us broke with Anime stuff - we have stopped in to have lunch.... again a culinary delight and now I am catching up with you guys as I have no free connection on my lap top from the Hotel ( I am using the internet cafe which costs $1 per hour).

We are going on a small sight seeing tour this afternoon on one of those tourist buses that take you around the city - you can get on and off as many times as you like.

Our friend from Jakarta is sending her sister to meet us this evening ( she is a local ) to take us out to dinner.
Oh well, its tough but someone has to do it!!
Am heading back to go to the Pool for an hour as it is meltingly hot at the momnet and I may have to down a cocktail or two....tough...
Love to you all...
Will blog again soon..

Ok..here's a blog to get rid of fatty boombah!!

Following a huge demand to get rid of the last iconic piccy on my blog I have been forced to give you more informaion about Phart.

We all start as single cell amoebas on Phart - and frankly most of us end up staying that way.
We only have one orifice, and that is usually busy either eating liquified food or in excreting vile gaseous substances.



Very typically, we believe that we are the centre of the universe and that the sun shines out of our arse.
Any Phartian that believes that there could be other more intelligent creatures inhabiting lesser evolved solar systems, such as earth, are punished for their beliefs and are sent there to live amongst the creatures that they so love to defend.



After studying the extensive photographic literature available on earthling life, such as this fabulous example above, we Phartians are quite partial to you lot - we hope that you can except us for who we truely are.



Above, is a very rare photo of a Phartian when not wearing an earthling costume - are we not beautiful?


More info later.....

Oh.....my......God....

What does one do with the dilemma of trying on the only pair of swimmers that one owns and discovering, to their absolute shock and horror, that this item of clothing no longer has a hope in hell of fitting over ONE'S FAT ARSE!!!!!!!!!

I swear the last time I put them on , they slid on effortlessly.
But, that was 18 months ago.

In 18 months I have turned into...
A MONSTER.


At least it solves the problem of what to pack - I only have a few things left that fit.

I will definately have to get a grip on this - but not till after I return from Oompah Loompah - am not giving up those stir frys and cakes...no way.

Brain meltdown

I had a party booking this afternoon to do readings for a lady who was having a doe show - always a dodgy event, but she was "older" - this was her second time around, and seemed quite well to do - so I thought that I would go for it as I could do with extra dosh before hitting oompah loompah land next week.

I was promised around ten women would have a reading, which would have made the afternoon a worthwhile event, each reading about 5-10 minutes.
When I arrived there were 30 women there - wine, canapes, balloons etc...all very "noice".

Now, it could have gone one of two ways - either, the first few ladies would have a reading and tell the others that I was total shit in which case I would be leaving shortly thereafter....or I would get my ten ladies, as promised.
I was hoping for the second outcome.

I started at 2.30pm.

At 6pm, I was still doing readings with women fighting for a place as I had said that I would be having to leave shortly as I was brain dead...

I had done 18 readings.

I think they liked me.

(Thankyou to whoever was watching over me this afternoon and gently keeping my foot out of my mouth and my brain functioning).

Life on Phart!

Well my admission of life on Phart has been a relevation to all.
You are all a scream and it has lightened my load to admit to you all that I am really an alien being ( yes, I know that you ALL knew that and were discussing it behind my back anyway ).

Phart is a very gaseous planet at the edge of a very unknown and dark solar system known as Alpha Romeo.

Phartians do not really have a language as they communicate via psychic connections and so learning the earth language has been challenging.Especially when I heard earthlings using the word "fart" so openly. I really thought that you knew more about us then I was aware of until I noticed the different spelling.

I feel that I have fitted into your colony well but I have kept this a secret for too long.
I have no parents as such, we are all created in a big trough in the Phartian colonisation factory. Many mistakes are made and these are all sent to Earth - so there are many more of us here than you think!
Your best friend may be a Phartian and you don't know it.
Anyway......more details, to come, if you so wish..
Pharts to you all!