Nothing to say too!

I have to join Wendy and say that "I really have nothing to say too"!
In the last week I have had a bout of flu/sinus and had a very sore and irritated eye yesterday which resulted in me driving around half blind with tears pouring down my face until I could get some drops from the chemist.
I have been reading about a link between the tarot and Jesus' sermon on the Mount,string theory, labotomies and Bethlehem Mental Hospital in England and Pavlov's dogs...
I have applied for another job and am rethinking about organising a Ghost Tour night out at Morpeth..there was an article about it in the paper this week and it has sparked my interest...anyopne else wants to come along let me know and I will book a tour...we need about four or five people for a Friday or Saturday night....
oh well...I guess I did have something to say after all...but then, I usually do..

Ode to "The Man" - Happy Anniversary

Its our wedding anniversary tomorrow
and they said it was doomed and wouldnt last.
They did!
well, we proved them wrong and
although there were tough times
we all have those, we got through.
... then a few years ago
the unthinkable happened and I could have lost you
and I thought that my head would explode just thinking about that.
So each day is now a gift and most days I have my priorities worked out and the little things dont matter.
You have put up with my drama queen antics and crazy ideas
you make me laugh and make me look forward to my future
because it is with you.
I still love to be with you, think of you and lay next to you.
What more could a girl ask for.
Mwa! to my beautiful husband.

Here we go...

I take in the first of my art works today for an art show at Maitland later this week.
I have a few exhibitions and stuff happening over the next few weeks and am hoping that some of my art will sell or maybe, possibly be good enough for an award????
I know how these things work though and I may just have a very small window of opportunity here...art circles can be tight and have their own set of rules which make it difficult.
But, we live in hope..
I am working on one at the moment of baby girl..should be done by the end of the week.
Other than that I have a full week with things I need to do and catch up on.
The house looks like a snow field with husky hair literally everywhere
and my YAADERS are going to get chocolate spiders tonight as my contribution to our Ostara projects...yumm

Ghost Tour of Civic Theatre

Tonight I took part in a ghost tour at the Civic theatre organised by a mob from Sydney.
It was very interesting with the tour guide being a fellow who has worked at the theatre for many many years.
We went into the dressing rooms and on stage, down in the orchestra pit and all over the place.
Some rooms were darkened and we were allowed to sit with the energies.
I, as usual, did my shaky shaky thing the moment I walked into the bloody place and so took a very back seat so as to shake without all eyes upon me.....
The energies came and went ...some places were really strong with lots of female energies, young women bound into duties they did not want to do and lots of naughty naughty business downstairs in the dressing room area.
Apparently there is a resident ghost called Joe whom our tour guide has encountered on an occassion or two but I could tell him that there was a lot more as well.
No huge ghostly apparitions, no falling furniture or lights going on or off, but lots of energy...
I finally settled, about 15 minutes before leaving.
The group stayed to make light conversation, which I am not into, so I left...
not feeling well anyway... very congested and headachy and now spent as well from energy overload.

From Pearls of Wisdom to just plain shitty talk....

Well, we will go from one extreme to another.
From one profound blog to diving down deep into the abyss of human creepiness..

Today, hubby called me to say that he had to get a changeover replacement bus during a trip from Newcastle thru Mayfield to Charlestown.
At around the Union street stop, about 10 minutes into the trip, some young girls came down the front of the bus and told hubby that there was dog poo on the floor.
Hubby did not even bother to look, but said.."Well that's not dog poo"..
but it WAS human poo!!!!!

Not the first time....euwwwwwwwww....

Anyway, the bus was stopped and all the passangers got off. Most did not even notice that it was there, I guess hubby telling everyone that there was going to be a bus change because someone had shat on the floor....may have alerted a few of them ( do you think?)..
I feel sorry for the poor person who had to clean it up.

Also, today, I was contacted by the company that I normally work for around the Christmas period ( whom shall remain nameless ) and they were told that I will not be partaking in this year's fun and activities, as per usual.
After the stunned silence was broken by, "But we were just about to send you the fixtures"..
we reiterated that it was going to be a "no go"....
not happening....nope....what part of "no" don't you understand?

anybody looking for work? Are you prepared to sell your soul to the devil?
look out for the ads in the paper for staff.....

in the mean time I am assuming that there is an effigy of me being burnt as I type this blog.
So it's "burn the witch" again!
History tends to repeat itself.......

Individuation- when it's all about NOT fitting in!

I've been thinking about some recent posts where some have suggested that they struggle with not fitting in - this has tied in with some reading that I have been doing of late about alchemy ( the transmutation of base metals into gold - symbolic of course ).
Carl Jung said that individuation is probably the most important thing that we have to do in our lifetime.
It is the process of splitting from the the group, the crowd, and becoming an individual, realising that you are different and finding your own identity.
Sometimes it can also mean receiving the greatest gift of all - that of peace of mind in truely realising our purpose.

This process may often come when we are least prepared.
I wonder whether this process of the soul starts very, very early for some of us.
Our soul has already done this process of becoming individual and then spends years telling us "Yes, you do not fit in cause you are NOT SUPPOSED TO!!!! You are supposed to just be you and not like everybody else!!".
Therefore we have actually GOT it - its the rest of them that don't.
Brilliant isnt it.

So next time you say to yourself - gee, I dont fit in, be proud of it cause your soul has worked it all out for you, now just spend your time being you and have a little smirk at all the sheep just doin' the same thing as everybody else...
the hard work is all still in front of them.

Seal Rocks Lighthouse

Original picture was snapped at Seal Rocks a few weeks ago when we took a day trip - quite a pretty place although the last few kilometres is on dirt road and a bit hairy!
The Lighthouse is on a very steep hill top - you need a good heart to get up there and a cool day so that you dont slide down in your own sweat!

visit with mum.

Took a drive to Sydney today to visit mum - have not seen her in a few weeks and so I needed to make the effort.
Mum is O.K. I guess - very depressed and disorientated. Her hair has grown long, so I have organised a visit with the hairdresser for her for next week.
She has swollen feet and a chest infection, so not terribly well.
She feels a bit trapped in her environment, but has come to the understanding that this is the best place for her, even though she still mentions that she would love to come and live with one of us.
I feel very sorry for her - it is sad to see her now, sad to see the deterioration,she is so happy to see me it is hard to leave -

Verwy, verwy busy!

Yes I am, bless the gods...now we just have to manifest some sales and all things on heaven and earth will be equal!

I will now be showing on the Hunter Street Mall at a new Gallery space called "Ciao Meow" with one painting now and a few more for the month of October.

I will also be exhibiting at the Hunter Valley Palate Exhibition at the Hunter Valley Grammer School, The Mattara Exhibition, Stockton RSL Art Show and St Lukes Church exhibition.

I am also still showing at "Sniddy's" on Beaumont street and of course our "BIGGIE"
at Rose Cottage -
The Cottage Artists Guild present "Create" a celebration of diversity in art starting from October 9th and open to the public on Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th October from 10am to 4 pm.
Please wish me luck!

A full moon is always a time when we get together as a group to celebrate...being a group!
It is always hard to find the time and to spare a night away from the family - but it is always a re-energising experience to share a committed path with other like minded individuals.
Last night was an enormous pleasure - Jewell and Kay organised a magical evening which was capped off with a sojourn to the obelisk ( a totally amazing spot ) where we gathered and called in the dragons. There was thunder on the horizon, a 360 degree view of the city and ocean and a halo around the moon.
It went from howling wind to howling witches and then to total peace and stillness.
Then we sent the dragons to organise a table for us at a local haunt for coffee and enjoyed each others company over hot drinks until council regulations called upon the witches to leave.
WOW....

My poor veins...

Ouch my legs hurt from standing all bloody day long...
actually they pound from the inside..each day there is one more blue hideous vein that seems to snake down my leg that was not there yesterday - standing all day long is not a good thing, especially on cold hard concrete that has electical wiring running through it..
and I am fast running out of clothes that fit me..I need to get fit ( er )...
but the idea of exercise is not something I relish thinking about....lets not talk about actually doing any.
I am just too tired at the moment..just cant seem to get energy levels up.

anyway..only a few more days and hopefully some time at home, although next week seems to be filling up for me and I want to take a trip to Sydney to visit mum as well.

Everyone wants some Indian Root Pills..

My new painting..
This is a picture of a barn heading towards Morpeth from East Maitland.
I remember seeing it as a child when my parents would drive past it on the way to visit their friends.
Over the years, the barn has fallen into disrepair, but recently it has had a face lift and the old Indian Root Pills sign has been repainted.
I dont hold too many memories from my childhood, but this image is stored away amongst the few.

more wierdness...

last night a got a place name for my little girl....it was Chai - Tao.

So this morning I just had to google it...and, low and behold, there IS such a place in ShangHai China, near the border with Korea.

Last night, another bizarre dream about a certain French President ( now, I reiterate, that is is A DREAM people - I dont want any more creepy people ringing me about what I write on my blog ok! ) This man is very, very smart and carismatic - he has a very beautiful wife.
He knows a lot about some very influential people in Europe and in this dream I, through certain conversations, got embroiled in the middle of his latest scandal.
I remember being approached by him, after being placed in a position of probable contact.
He does love women and this will be his downfall.
In the end I was going to get myself into rather a bad pickle with authorities but was saved with a "get out of jail card" by the President assuring my safe escort out of the country.
This man has a great deal of power through what and who he knows....mmmmmmm
now where did THAT come from.

so much more exciting than heading to Greenhills eh.......

One foot in each world...

One of those bizarre dreams/experiences last night where I feel asleep yet awake.
i wanted to write this down so that I remember it....
I remember knowing that I stepped into the body of a young girl, about seven or eight years old. I was seeing through her eyes but I knew that I was me..and I was thinking "what am I doing here"?
This did not last long - just a few minutes.
I was walking through an old home, where this child lived.
No one was home accept for an old woman sitting in a room at the back of this house.
I am assuming she was grandma.The house was full of little rooms where the extended family or families lived.
No lighting accept natural light comming through open windows.
No elecrticity at all.
Almost no furniture.
I (she) was looking for her scabby black cat - just a baby. A dirty, thin creature - totally black and only a few months old.
She called it "Meow - Meow".
Finally the cat was found and craddled in the childs arms with the greatest of love as if this would be the only thing that this child could ever call her own - her only possession.
I did not know this child's name but I had a feeling it was all happening in China.
I later tried to remember details and the name "Chao Tzu" came to me.
I just so vividly remember saying to myself ,"What in the hell am I doing here? What am I supposed to see or do?"
That was it...I was gone..

Just finished...

There was quite a debate about this pic!
I liked it, the man was not fussed...
My art teacher said that it could be a 'good little exercise".
Anyway, I decided to give it a go and am very pleased with the result.
Just finished it this afternoon...wanted to get it done before I start working.

Something you can never get used to!

To be truthful, the wait required for results of bi annual PSA tests is one that requires alcohol and headache tablets...
It is something that sits in the back of your mind and all kinds of crazy thoughts are given birth until the phone call from the doctor comes to relieve the tension.
The man, ofcourse, is a lot more sensible than I and probably has an inner knowing about his health so just does it.
Did a party booking last night at Lorn, Maitland - readings for 7 people.It was a great evening but it took 3 hours to get through them which kind of does your head in by the end..but a great little monetary pick up.
Its a bit crazy to think that September is only a week away and I would normally be gearing up to Calendar Club - but this year I am schedualing in psychic fairs and art exhibitions which whould have been impossible for me to be part of in years past.
The man still lives in hope that I will become gainfully employed in a "real" job so we can pay some bills and buy more shit....or maybe he has just given up?
I will be doing book sales for the next two weeks at Greenhills....so thats something at least.

Seal Rocks, PSA results and Calendar!

We went for a drive to Seal Rocks yesterday to take some pics so that I can paint some more paintings.It was very pretty but not really too many photos were taken. We stopped at Sugarloaf Lighthouse and made our way up to the top panting and heaving like geriatric pensioners for some spectacular views.
The whales were even there with two cavorting in the warm waters just in front of us.
I imagined the female whale having a conversation with themale whale saying,"Gee George, you always take me to Seal Rocks for our holiday! I bored, bored, bored with the same old shit......I want to go to Vanuatu next year"
and George responding...
"Yes dear"...

The man's six monthly PSA tests came back sparkling and gleamy today - Under 0.01% which means undetectable !!!!!! Yay....

Also our calendars from the Art Society are out with my picture featuring in March 2010! BUT THEY BLOODY SPELT MY NAME WRONG THE DUNDERHEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, anyone wanting a copy can let me know they are gorgeous with heaps of room to write in and only $12 each with 50% of the proceeds going to the WESTPAC HELICOPTER SERVICE!!!!!!!
Grab one and check out March!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's way cool!!!!!!!!

The Slug child and the Hounds

What a glorious picture...and these dogs are this close all night long!
The "walking carpet" ( Fred the husky ) has always slept on his bed on the other side of the room but now he has to copy the Maksimus and get as close as possible and the little black doggy ( Maks ) just makes sure he can rest his butt on one of us and he is happy.....
The slug child who was not a doggy person at all now is quite besotted with the black sausage with chooky legs and wants one of her very own.....

Could not be bothered?

Seems to me that there is a lot of "could not be bothered" around.
I guess I am also a culprit of this syndrome...but it is getting a bit tiresome.
I am actually tired of it myself...tired of my own "not bothering".
Time to bother again..
I thought the recession was only an economic one, but it seems to have hit us all on a personal level as well.
We are all having our own little mini recessions where we are just "frozen in time"
waiting for the better times to come again...

Whats going on with the blogs?
Are we over that too?
Everyone has gone to twitter and facebook - of course it takes a lot less time.
Is that what it is?
Are we all running out of time, so twitter is the next best thing to nothing at all?
Seems like everyone has so much to deal with, life is so complicated and we go round in circles..
we are spending so much time on things that dont interest us and so much time sitting in front of the computer where we "virtually" talk and communicate to people.
There seems to be less need for face to face contact or could we be just not bothering to actually expend the effort to meet, sit and chat....it just so easy to sit and do it on-line.
For all the other person knows you could be cutting your toe nails while watching t.v. and eating a frozen dinner all at the same time as having a deep and meaningful
email exchange...
I dont know if this is a good thing..
In a way you are anonymous and therefore not required to commit yourself. I find this really annoying when I get a booking for a reading for example, and the client is DESPERATE..
they need a reading now...so you change things,get in the car, drive there,set up and then they don't turn up and dont even ring to say that they are not going to come......
What about some common courtesy?

just my thoughts...

What a week!

Today I shared a lovely morning with Deb, Jen, Gayle, Cheryl and sweet Mary for a coffee at Glendale - it was nice to get together.
Unfortunately, I set my alarm too early therefore arriving an hour before time ( silly me )and realising that I was there far too early.
So I did some shopping and had a walk around.
I then went to pick up my other paintings from Raymond Terrace and took a drive to Blackbutt Reserve to take some photos.
Its all a bit empty there at the moment - no emus and no kangaroos and wallabies.
Dont know where they have put them?
They are still repairing after the last storm.

I am hoping to go for a long drive with the man this week up to Seal Rocks to take more photos.
This is the plan...shhhhhh..... dont tell the universe cause it may choose something different.
Tomorrow night at YAAD....chocolate crackles!!!!!!!!!!!!!I made them today!!!

Hello mum...remember me?

Went to visit mum today. She was very surprised to see me although I had told her we were coming...tears in her eyes, very up and down emotionally.
I guess this is what a bout of depression must be like.
SHe had been complaining for weeks about pain in her side and finally now we have been told that she has had a cracked rib poor darling...the deterioration in her bones means that this could be something that becomes quite a common event.
Otherwise she looks good but has problems knowing where her room is and what she is doing there and the constant pain would be a torture!!!!!

It was a lovely trip down and the man did a bit of personal shopping while we were there and we dropped into the local shopping centre that has a marvelous deli with lots of smelly cheeses and meats ( yummm )
At least she did not complian when we were leaving we just took her to be with the "other inmates" and off we went.
Still, such a crazy experience.....I cannot fathom my mum being there and not in her house.

Meanwhile I sold a painting today!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!!!Just a small one, but one none the less.
On the other hand, my picture framer destroyed one of my precious paintings yesterday by dropping another picture on it and ripping a huge hole in the canvas.....needless to say, I was shattered when I saw it and still cannot believe that it happened....now we have to try and fix it, somehow.....

Redhead Shark Tower

This is my latest artwork - it is slightly larger than most other canvases that I do.
It is 50cm x 40 cm.
It is from a picture that I took of Redhead beach at sunset.
What a glorious place!
We certainly have some wonderful spots here in Newcastle.
Hope you like it - I am very happy with the way it has come out.

Some days are just blah!

Sore stomach - too much crap.
Irritable bowel, eating fudge and cookies does not help.
Also headache and back pain.
Is the weather about to change?
Usually my back will let me know when rain is coming.
Oh and what I ribbing I got about my poor blue track suit on the weekend...just because it is so 1980's...why are people are so unkind! ( to quote Kamahl )
then my hair took a scorching and also some cups that I have been using that came from my mother's...all of which deserve to be binned.
I think I have trouble letting go?
or moving on?
maybe........

Another weekend...

Yesterday, I took my daughter and nine of her friends to Sydney to attend a Manga ( Japanese Art ) Convention. We took the train and all the girls were really good.We left at 6.45 and got to Sydney just after 9am. Then we got a bus to the Uni of NSW and I left the girls to enjoy the next six hours while I walked around and had numerous cups of coffee. I also could not use my debit card to get out any money from my account as for some reason I kept on being told that my PIN was incorrect.Thank goodness I took enough money with me, but...
What if I had no money on me at all?
I called the bank and they said they could not do anything about it...so I am going to the bank tomorrow to make a complaint.They can stick their card up their arse.
This morning I took the family to the Eurobar for breakfast as a thanks for helping with the house cleaning last week.
We got one offer on the house yesterday ( we had an open house ) but the offer was too low - at least it seems that people are interested in the house. Obviously they are going to try to get it as cheaply as possible, but I do have a limit that I need to get to pay for mums "incarceration"and any "prison clothes" and extras that may be needed as the years roll by.
It was quite strange to see a "for sale" sign on the house.

A big weekend!

I spent the weekend doing the last bits of cleaning to the house with the help of mum in law and sis in law - I intend to pay them back with a lovely breakfast out this Sunday for all their hard work.
The place looks good - its clean and tidy and has beautiful varnished wooden floorboards all the way through that are now clean and revealed from underneath the filthy old carpet that has been hoiked...
Just waiting for the yard to be done ( I have hired someone to do that! ) and we are ready for sale!
The first ad will go in the paper on Saturday.
I am screamingly tired and now face the chaos that has been building in my place as I have transferred bags of shit and just left them piling up in the hallways and every available corner.
So I am determined to sort and clean as I go - this may take weeks..
I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH STORAGE SPACE....and the way I put hings away may mean that things may be lost forever..............
At the end of this week I will take four of my paintings to an art exhibition being held at Raymond Terrace - here's hoping I get lucky and sell something!

In my spare time..................

I started back at art class last Monday and had to have something to work on...so I painted like a mad thing last week and started and abandoned two paintings that were just awful!!!!!!! So on Saturday night I had to find a cool and calm moment and start again.
I have been working on my cherries in brief moments amidst the chaos.
Today I challenged myself with the stove at mums place - it had never been cleaned and it took six buckets of water and four hours to make it sparkle.
Then I DID get out the good old gumption ( yes...you certainly can buy it ) and got stuck into the rest of the kitchen..I even went over stuff I had done a week ago cause gumption can take off tattoos ( not really, but almost ) cause it's that bloody good.
This weekend my mother in law and sister in law and I are doing the final bits - thank you to all who have offered to help, but my mother in law is a work horse to rival none and together we have worked like a whirlwind.
I did notice a brown gunk coming off the walls in the kitchen today and I could not figure out where it had all come from..
then it hit me that it must have been from years of smoking.Mum smoked until she was about 70 odd before giving up because it was too expensive.

Where can I buy elbow grease?

I am out of elbow grease...I used up my supply today but have only done two rooms.
Therefore I need to buy some more.....anyone know where I can get some from (cheap)?
The Salvo's rescued me today and took all the wardrobes which made the rooms nice and empty.
I have gagged on a variety of spores and mould that has been growing for over twenty years behind said wardrobes when I had the audacity to disturb their habitat and try to clean the walls.
Now spores and mould have been attacked with several different types of toxic chemicals which neccessitated the need for goggles and a mask as my eyes started to water........ and are DEAD!
Walls look like a crazy multicoloured spew and room will need a coat of paint.
Mother in law ( bless her )took five hours to clean the laundry ( dont ask me why that long )
but you can now eat off the fucking floor....
Round Two tomorrow............

Im an old scrubber..

Yes, you knew that already???
Tomorrow I hope that the Salvos will come and pick up the wardrobes and crap left over, but......they have a right to not take the stuff if they do not want to, if it is broken to heavy or I do not smile and beg them!
Maybe I should give them $20 just to take it?
Other than that nothing exciting is happening - mum is getting narky and making phone calls asking to come home.
She is getting into the really angry stage that often happens, where they hate their kids for putting them in a home ( for their own good, by the way ).
They do not see it that way of course - cant blame them.
How would I feel if I had to move out of my home and could not come back?
But the additional guilt trip of "how could you do this to me?" is not what I need right now, so I am staying clear.

All good girls go scrub a dub dub...

This week I pull up my sleeves and grin and bear the pain and clean and scrub mum's house.
We have organised a really great agent ( an old aquaintance ) and she has been really helpful.
Most of the stuff is now gone and a quick phone call to the Smith Family may clear the rest.
Brother is just not interested in any cleaning or caretaking - he is almost willing to "give the place away at rock bottom prices" just so that all of this dissappears and is no longer a blight on his life..
Well and good for him but the curtains still need to be washed and the floors scrubbed, no one wants to walk into a shit hole and then be asked to buy it!
This money has to do mum for the rest of her days - my family is not rich enough to pull money out of our pockets to pay for any needs. Every dollar will be a dollar we do not have to spend..
So please pray for a quick and bountiful sale!

Thank Goodness that's over!

Was up at sparrow fart to organise our garage sale today.
Finally got all the stuff out of the house and the first guy turns up just after 7.30.
Then they came from everywhere!!!
In the end I was virtually giving stuff away, but I was not going to carry any of it back inside just to have to call someone to take it to the salvos!
Best of all the fridge and the washing machine got sold - these were the only two items of any value and a fellow from a second hand shop gave me a deal to take all the nik naks and china cabinets, so va voom!!!!
I have four old wardrobes to get rid of so will have to get the smith family in to take those and then I can start in on the really hard work....
I was so worried about today I did not sleep half the night, but thank the Gods it all went very well.

40 years of dirt....

Well I made a massive mistake and went in today to clean the walls in my parents house...to get started and get it ready for sale....and I must have used too strong a mix of sugar soap as the paint came off with the dirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I have a huge ugly patch which means that I will have to paint over it..more work.
I have to get my brother to help me with this. I cannot do this on my own.
I am just too tired already.
Pangs of hate rose in me as I stood looking at the amount of work in front of me to get that house looking clean and thinking that my parents, both of them did not life a finger to clean that place in over 40 years.
Yes...I hear you....they were both pensioners..
Mums view of cleaning extended to wiping over the kitchen sink ( the cleanest part of the house ) but it did not extend to taking stuff out of the cupboards and cleaning those for example...let us not go to any other part of the house...
The place looks clean if you stand back and just glance over things, but in reality EVERYTHING is dusty, dirty and each wall has a build up of grime.
Also we have pulled old wallpaper off the walls in my old bedroom and that will now need an enormous scrub.
I'm over it!!!!!

POST 666! Beware as this post is possessed and will lead you to no good!

And if you believe in that you are a silly sausage!
I said "goodbye - ta ta" to the Cottage committee today ( to the cheering of Deb!) as I feel it is time for a break to let other more creative minds battle it out ( I have been part of the organising committee for about 5 years ) - but I have entered into another "so called" agreement that I suggested earlier this year and want to see through - it was mentioned again today, and so I am hoping that with the approval of the rest of the Cottage we will move ahead and have a proper Cottage Artisans exhibit in October...that is all I am willing to say at this stage, but it just may be quite exciting....

I am busy sorting clothes and nik naks for sale at a garage sale ( what price do you put on shit???)

We had a quote on the sale of the house today and now I have to start that ball rolling as soon as I can so we can pay mum's "prison" bond.
Nothing is ever easy though and all bits and pieces often become complicated as they go.

Last night I tried to start some painting but the Gods were not going to play ball and so everything that could go wrong, did, with paint spilled on the floor and over my clothes, the dog and bits of furniture..and poor hubby who is full up with the flu, has had to pull apart a rotten stinking air brush that I hate with a passion because it is always clogging up and being a pain in the butt ( yes......let us not blame the artist, but the tools )
So it may be a while before you see another masterpiece - bugger....

Catching up with mum's keepers..

Called the nursing home today and finally got through - this was my fourth attempt, the other times the phone just rang out ( they must be busy )..
She is fine, so they say, settling in ok and has made some friends one of whom was an old aquaintance from Newcastle.
Good.
I did not bother to speak with her as she was having an intense game of "magnetic fish " with the other residents and how could she possibly tear herself away!!!
Otherwise I am having trouble getting things done.
Just like everyone else it seems...I have to take small steps.
Have rung my first real estate agent who is coming out to see the house tomorrow.
Maybe a garage sale this weekend?
Have started walking with Diana again, taking it slowly this time as I am now an elderly citizen.....not like the break neck pace our sweet Gayle made us do...

Skelingtons in the closet...

What do we find when we go through our parentals house?
We find stuff and shit that we forget ever existed thats what!
I found my first ever books on witchcraft that are about 35 years old now, I have promised to bring them into class on Monday for my girls to have a look.
I DID buy them new and they are a precious memory to me just verifying that I have always been on this spiritual path.
I have found bits and pieces and many photos that have brought back a flood of bad and good memories.
It is hard to pick and choose what to keep and what to discard.
But it all piles up and I have stuff in every corner of every room - I will have to get in and really concentrate on storing, labeling and cleaning ( Diana I may need you!!! )
I have also now inherited a cupboard full of mums clothes that I have to keep in case she needs any extra changes...my house is busting at the seams and we have not sorted any furniture yet...

Mums new home

Some views of the nursing home.
One is of the outside courtyard area. The other is the view of the dining room and of mum's room.
Today is the first day that I will not be seeing mum in such a long time.
I will give it a few days before I call - best leave her to adjust without further trauma.

The Eagle has landed!

Phew! What a day...I am exhausted.
Well, "Ëlvis is in the building!"

We left early this morning, manned with a borrowed GPS, which unfortunately shut down just after reaching Pennant Hills.
Bugger.....driving blind in the Western Suburbs raised my blood pressure and my mother in law was kept busy trying to restart the GPS with the ruddy thing shutting down every five minutes.
We took a few wrong turns and ended up stopping at Macca's on the way for a well earned coffee.I tried to use a map but that was useless.
Mum asked why we had gone so far to go to Macca's and when could we go home..
Then we got to the nursing home and straight to a hot lunch and a meeting with the other inmates.
Mum was then taken away to attend a "party" and we busied ourselves setting up her room and filling in paperwork.his took some time.
A little more time together then it was a quick goodbye while some of the ladies took mum under their wings and distracted her and we were out the door.
I will post a photo or two tomorrow after a good night's sleep and an emotional rest.
Dont ask me how I feel...

Tomorrow is D-Day

Mum was extremely upset today - depression has set in and she is fearful and crying all the time.
I am sooooo happy that we take her tomorrow.
I am also quite scared and am hoping it all goes well.
Today was a whirlwind of organising money, packing her clothes, labelling everything, buying some extras...I have not stopped.
I soooo hope this goes well.

Polish Nursing Home Marayong!

Well, I have come back from Sydney today spending some of the day at the Polish Nursing Home at Marayong.
I must say that I was VERY impressed.
The facility is totally new so it is extremely clean and well appointed.
Mum's room, the one we have chosen, is looking out onto a courtyard with a lovely fountain in the middle that she will be able to see from her armchair.
The rooms are quite big, but empty - there is only a single bed, armchair and bedside table.
We can bring some paintings to hang in her room and photos but nothing else other than clothes are allowed.
She also will have an ensuite.
There is a multipurpose meeting area just a few metres down the corridor where there is a TV and dining area with a kitchen that produces Polish food and a Polish menu.
The staff are all Poilsh and so are the other "ïnmates".
The doctor will be Polish as well. They have an on site hairdressing salon, a theatrette, a coffee shop and a church. The priest is also Polish.
All going well I will be taking her down in the next few days and she will be VERY HAPPY.
I really do think so.I believe this atmosphere will really outweigh the fact that we will have limited contact as the weeks go by.
She is in her little world where everyone is her best friend or family member, the T.V. is showing her life story and I can be either her mother, her daughter, her best friend or her neighbour depending on the day.
I am sure that the trip to Sydney will be unsettling but I have asked my mother in law to help on the day.
In the mean time I have to label all her clothes, pack and organise it all so we can pick mum up from the hospital and head off without any hiccups.
This is costing a fortune but it will be worth it, for peace of mind.

Emotionally moving on

Yesterday was quite a profound day.A huge amount of papers, cards, old bills and letters to go through.
Many things learnt from reading old family letters from the old country.
Revelations about how mum could not be with her mother when she was dying, how desperate the family was to get in contact with her. Finding the letter advising my mum of her mother's death and my father's mother's death notice - all so sad.
Neither mum nor dad went back overseas to be with their families at these times.
Dad never went back overseas, ever, and mum only went back once with me when I was 21.
I found a short story about dads life that he had written and many bits and pieces from times that I remember.
Very little stuff about us - me or my brother - it was all about their life which was entwined in the Polish community.
I felt very melancholy last night and hubby did something special by finding a phone contact to family members we had not seen in 19 years from Poland.
SO he called them on a off chance we all fell over each other with delight to be in contact again. I told them about my mum ( as this is the only family I have left in Poland that know )and we promised to keep in contact with each other.
I have been cleaning the kitchen and washing and removing things that should have been removed years ago.

It is a pity that most of my mother's lfe will end up in a skip or a bin as it is virtually worthless to anyone else other than her and she will no longer be needing it.
Her shit reminded her of her life and it was important to her - this I have to respect even if I find no value in these items myself.
In fact it was all that she had, but in the scheme of things there is nothing worth anything in the material sense.
Old people keep everything - pens, rubber bands, plastic bands, lids, old papers....notes with reminders of names and addresses, dates and times..

Mum was more settled when I visited with her today - yet as I sat there she actually forgot that I was there and was asking after me.
Then she thought she was at home and told me to go and make myself a sandwich.
I also bought her some cordial for her water and she proceeded to show me the bottle after about five minutes telling me that she had just been to the shops to get that for me...
They say that at this point there is no reason to try and convince them of anything else ...there is no point in making them anxious about the mistakes that they are making..they no longer understand, and when they do realise that they are confused...they cry..

Transfer to Belmont

Mum was transfered to the Belmont Residential Care Unit today and it was very stressful for her even though I had been there for a few hours getting her ready (so to speak).
She clung to me and called out for her "mother" which then in turn meant that she clung to me thinking I was her mother.
She was so frightened - as I guess she will be from now on faced with the smallest of changes..
By the time she got to Belmont and into bed she was exhausted which meant that, at least I could leave and let her get some sleep.
Today she was again speaking to everyone as if they had been her neighbours or family friends from way back trying to convince me that the lady in the bed next to her was my husband's mother and the old fellow in the bed opposite was an old Polish friend who she could not understand why he would not talk to her.
There was no point in explaining otherwise.
I spoke to my doctor today about mum and she suggested that there is a possibility that mum may have had some mini strokes which have caused the dramatic changes of late.
Who knows....
Also had my hormones checked...and at the grand old age of 50 I am not even pre - menopausal....not even coming close...so no croning for me for another 10 years...

Strange Days

Frantic calls from the hospital from a woman lost between the worlds..
so wanting to go home.
so wanting to remember, then forgeting that she wants to remember, then forgetting me, then forgetting words, feelings, needs.
The quick onset of all of this has been hard to watch..

At the moment its like someone put a handmixer into mums brain and swooshed it up into a big milk shake.
Mum is in the John but will be moved shortly out to Belmont to a intermediate unit where she will stay until we can have her placed into a nursing home.
This may take a week or two or three or more.
In the mean time I have to see her every day so that there is some connection and familiarity in her life.
Every move means more confusion and she thinks she is coming home - how do I tell her that she wont be?
The house has to be cleaned, friges, cupboards, garbage, clothes sorted documents filed and checked.
This will take time..so dont expect too much from me.
I am stocking up on wine.

Its been a while between masterpieces...

In the midst of the chaos I find solace and calm in descending the stairs away from the real world and into my haven of painting, where there is just concentration on the moment of paint touching canvas...

A complication!

Mum took another turn down the rabbit hole, last night or this morning sometime, and I found her in a bad state this morning.
So an ambulance was called and she is in hosptial again.
It may be a urinary tract infection.
They are not sure.
But she is hazy, and disorientated and I assume that this will only get worse over the next few days, as it did last time she was in hospital.
This time, I do not think there will be an opprotunity foir her to return home.
I think we have given it a go - it is what happens when we are not there that has now become the major concern and she is showing us that she just cannot manage it on her own as much as she thinks that she can.
It was all going so well.....

Watching the light fade...

Well, I really dont feel like writing about anything at all for a while..
So I may be here or not as time goes by..
I watch my mother fading with each day.
There are things that she wont do now that she was still doing last week.
I cannot entice her to leave the house.
She is not interested in calling any of her friends or talking to anybody other than me or my brother.
She has forgotten how to change the channels on T.V.
She wont make herself a cup of tea or mix up cordial with water for a drink.
She sleeps most of the time and has disconnected from reading and writing which was something that she was always doing.
She also, at times, has trouble talking with the words just going missing and stops mid sentence often as if she is seeing and looking at things that I do not.
I really dont know how long this will go on for?

Saturday night at the Cottage!

What a wonderful evening for our 5th Anniversary!
So many people were there - I am sure that the witch's dinner was great, sorry to have missed it.
I came in on the tail end just in enought time to give Helen's "mini me" a big cuddle through her tears and screams. She is just gorgeous...
I did not get around to everyone individually on the night - sorry if I missed saying hello.
Everyone was a shiny star!
Tania glowed the most in her gorgeous dress and she looked a picture of pregnant health.It was lovely to see Michelle whom I have not laid eyes on for a millenia, and Jane our own Rainbow Warrior, and even Heidi managed to sit quietly in the corner hoping no one would notice her. Jaq's new hair "do" makes her look very sophisicated too.
Thank you to all who contributed to my awesome gift - it was really a huge surprise, but that really needs to be my last "special gift" as the whole crew of the Committee now does such a good job that I am really redundant and need to be relegated to the back bench, and indeed it should be so!
The Cottage has been a sancutary to many over the years, and also an irritant, in a good way, where women have been able to come and get shoved out of their comfort zones, for better or for worse so that they can discover more about themselves and what they can really do if they put their mind to it.
Our guest speaker was thought provoking as usual and really reached out to many saying the words that they all needed to hear and of course we had caramel mud cake..what more could I say!

Two stars fall and fly!

Beautiful Farrah and talented Michael...well they are in their peace filled place now and blessings go with them both...
I am old enough to remember Charlie's Angels ( the original )..
Amazingly one went fast and one went slow..
a touch of reality...if there is something that you want to do...you better go out there and do it...NOW....because life is a blessed treasure.

He he...Ha..ha

Must share a giggle with you all today.
I had the pleasure of being asked today if I knew where you could pick up some info on Egyptian Sphin(x)ters...
yes...
Sphinxters...thats what was said....
I did not intervene...I let it go...

I am sure that this person really wanted information on the Egyptian Sphinx..
but whatever floats your boat I guess.....

Just like the rabbit in Alice!

Well I am pushing it all the way...."I'm late, I'm late" said the white rabbit!

Mum seems ok at the moment, but I only see one side of her - the side she deems to show me.
Have tried to fit in eveything that I need to do and am feeling the pinch falling flat some nights in a tired stupor with a need just to go to bed and sleep.
Little baby girl had her first real day at work today with a few hours at her new place of employment. She learnt about the cash register and serving etc and is excited about getting her first pay later this week.

May not be about for much this week - tomorrow is another day, who knows what it will hold!

The Show must go on!!!

Well its on again for young and old.
Mum's idea of care and our idea of care are turning out to be two different things.
We cannot manage being there 24 hours a day and my brother is being called at 2am in the morning to come over to make her a cup of tea cause she cannot tell day from night and is up at all hours wondering why it is dark and why she is alone!
She is now really scattered having spent time at the respite centre where eveything was done for her and now expecting the same at home.
So, it now goes to plan 365A.......
we are trying for the Polish respite centre in Sydney which wants an arm and a leg to get her in...
this is all tentative depending on her mood with regard to this idea and whether we can get her in and whether we can get her there and when we can get her there and what sort of fuss she makes in the mean time....and...and....
at least there everyone will be speaking her language but I know it is so far away and it is very expensive as all nursing homes are, and if this happens we will have to sell her house post haste which means cleaning it and doing it up which means soooooooo much hard work cause the place has not been renovated in like 3000 years.....
but one step at a time I guess...so far she is still at home and we have to get through the weekend..

Intermission

Intermission is when you are at a show or performance and the lights go on - you can go to the toilet and also get a packet of jaffas or some such stuff...
so here I am...
its intermission..
the time between performances...
all is fine.
Mother is fine.
Baby girl is going to do her first shift at a big store at Glendale tonight.
I have had a few readings to do coming in from my offer, but not many.
Painting has has to wait.
My flu symptoms have just about gone, just left with a headache and a bit of a funny ,rash.
Have learnt a lot of valuable lessons over the past few weeks -
I am feeling too censored now on blogger.
I have to be too careful - it defeats the purpose.
Like having had your private diary discovered by your parents!

Maxi Moose turns One!

Gorgeous Maximus has turned One!!!!!
So glad he is part of the family!

Swine Flu? and mother has been released..

Have been sick for days....bu dont have time to stop so have dosed up on codral cold and flu and am hoping I have not got the swine flu...
Yes Mihelle...I also know the feeling of people indesciminantly coughing all over me without so much as even thinking about covering their mouths and children looking for a new victim for their hacking and spattering and snot ridden little fingers.....
today mother came home..
I have not seen her as I am too sick to go near her and risk her getting ill too.
My brother bought her home cause she just could not handle the change.
It was taking too much out of her and she was bitterly miserable.She wanted to be at home.
What happens now?
Well I guess we will have to work harder at making her life comfortable and establish routines to make sure she is safe, fed and looked after.
This will mean a greater commitment from me and therefore I may have to make some changes to accomodate all of this.
This will not be forever, but what happens from now on is in the lap of the Gods.
My brother has made the decision that she is not suitable for aged care ( and she has made us gulit ridden for the rest of our lives for even attempting to try it ) We are screwed any way we look at it - so she may as well be happy, if this is what she wants.I hope this works.
HoooHaaa!!!!

Baby girl gets a job!

Baby girl went for a job interview on Tuesday and last night found out that she is now going to be gainfully employed by a big shop that starts with the letter between S and U at Glendale!( sorry I have to be very careful cause big brother is watching me!!!!! and I cannot mention any names ).......
boy wont she know she is alive now!!!!!

I am not trying to make trouble honestly......

Well, it seems I am at it again and trying to make trouble where it should not be...
I have had to edit one of my recent posts for reasons that are going to be left unsaid - fair enough.
Issues have been bought to my attention and I have complied.
ok.
What interests me is the way this information got "out there" beyond my small little viewing window of a handful of friends?
This poses the question, did it come from someone who is a regular to my site or has it come from an "unknown source"?
I would like to think that it has come from someone that I do not consider a friend because I do not understand why a "friend" would see fault in this meanless drivell of a blog site that means nothing to no one of great importance,to go to the trouble of doing what they did.
I would prefer to think that it is Big Brother watching...
and if that is so, then I must reconsider my views about blogging and free speech...


there was a cult where people sewed up their lips so that they could no longer talk....sounds like a plan..


In the mean time..
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WEEK'S "POST MAGAZINE YET???????????????
I AM IN IT!!!!!!!
IN "THE CANVAS" - THE FEATURED ARTIST!!!!
THIS MAY BE MY ONLY EVER FAMOUS FOUR SECONDS.........
I AM BATHING IN THE RADIANT LIGHT .....
Oh, bugger....it's gone already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slap me, but dammit I'm going to do it anyway!

This month, the Cottage is celebrating it's 5th Anniversary - this is a huge achievement for a dream that turned into a reality for Lisa, and has affected many lives in the most positive of ways during this period.
The Cottage has changed and is offering a wide variety of services including the Year and a Day course which has proven such a great success.

Now,
I seem to have a few minutes in my life where I am doing nothing....he...he
so I am electing to put my hand up and raise some money for the Cottage in my own special way.
Therefore,
I am going to offer tarot readings by mail for a cost of $10 each with 25% of all my earnings going to the Cottage!
Please network this!
I would like to get 100 requests - therefore making a good little bonus for the Cottage coffers.
If you would like a general reading for the next few months ahead, or have some special questions that you would like answered, please send me a cheque or money order to : R.Daniel ( or put ten bucks in an envelope )AND a stamp self addressed envelope and send your request to:
please email me.......( address has been deleted )
This is a great little idea and I hope that it is successful - if all you bloggers will help and network this offer!
I will do O.S. readings for the same price ( I dont mind US Dollars or English Pounds - really )
So, lets get me 100 readings by the end of June!
Ready
Set
GO!

Visiting mother!

Well today was a horrible experience...the respite centre has been closed down for a few day, not allowing visitors because of a virus so tonight I went to see mum.
She did not recognise me at first - it took a few minutes for her to realise who I was. Then she started with the I want to die thing...I will die here if you leave me here.....I will only last three weeks!!!!
Lots of anger about why we left her there, that she knows that people are left to die in these places...
lots of lost words and lost thoughts....
just really wanting to go home.
She did not even know how to turn off her room lights and how to turn the tap on to pour herself a drink of water.
In the mean time, food was served and a lovely young fellow bought her food and tablets and then bought more food and a drink, making sure that she was able to eat it with me in her room rather than outside in the communal area.
I felt sorry for mum but the point is that she needs full time care at the moment and we cannot provide that for her - I tried to explain this, but it fell on deaf ears.
Outside, people wandered around in a shambolic way, men standing with bags - as if waiting to leave, ladies asking me if I was lost......awful.

Mum is just stuck in her chair, still feeling a lot of pain in her leg and hips not wanting to have anything to do with what is happening outside that door.
English..if I only knew English...
well mum, you had 50 years to learn...but that is a legacy of the migrant generation that arrived after the war...some of them "stayed at home" and only their bodies were here, certainly not their hearts or souls...

also the feeling of creeping souls escaping with me out that door was overwhelming..I wonder how many have died there wanting to escape, wanting to leave and in a way leaving with every departing family member who still is in the land of the living????
Kerry if you read this can you send me your email address - I have a few questions that I would appreciate running past someone with experience.....

To bag or not to bag..that is the question!

............ are now charging for plastic bags and............
I personally think its a great idea - you want a bag cause you didn't bring your own?
Then pay for it - may make you think twice next time and get those green bags out of the car.
But dont abuse me please....................
You cant imagine how many people have gotten the shits and ..........................
It's been an eye opener cause it has shown me how many people still live in the dark ages and believe that the responsibility for the safety of mother earth lies fairly and squarely in the hands of SOMEONE ELSE...
and this mostly comes from people who already have a handful of shit in other plastic bags and STILL ask for another one.
No way.......
"I AM GOING TO.......................


Dear whoever, I hope that you have come back to check this post and have noted the changes made.
Thankyou for your patronage.

Bogan Heaven!

Shades of reliving the past?
Thursday night at a shopping centre - what is it with people?
Talk about idiots coming out of the wood work!
People, stop screaming at each other!
Stop talking on your mobiles at the tops of your voices so that the whole world can hear your sordid business!
Stop yelling and pushing your kids and threatening to" punch their f***ing heads in" a metre from where I am standing.
Gross and disgusting.
Gangs of kids so out of control that the Police have to be called.
So much fun yeah????

Taking a breath..

Well mum went into Tinonee Gardens today for respite care.
This has been arranged for a duration of six weeks - by then her back should be much better and she should not be in pain, maybe the dementia will have settled down and we will know if she needs to return home or has to be placed in care.
I am really still waiting for a phone call asking me to come and pick her up cause something has gone askew - I have not seen her yet, just dont have the time, getting home after 6pm - its a bit late to waltz into the facility and disrupt dinner time..
How do I feel about it all?
Does it really matter how I feel?
Not really - it's all going to happen anyway, I just need to feel O.K. about it all, that I am doing what "I" feel I need to be doing.It will be painful to "shut up shop" that is, sell the family home and all of mum's goods and shackles while she is still alive. Maybe she will have to come home after all and we will have a reprieve...who knows..

OK......Who's got the toothpicks?

I need them to keep my eyes open...
Just finished this pic tonight..

What a blessing that the John Hunter is just up the road - I would be totally rooted if it was far away!
Today I hit the road to buy groceries, visit mum and totally wash her from tip to toe and feed her and remake her bed, then home to make lunch, then out to take down my art from "Sunny's" ( no didnt sell a thing ) and then out to Greenhills to set up for the booksale.
Home to wash clothes
and make some food for tomorrow and dabble with a painting and draw up a new one.
ENOUGH ALREADY......
Sounds like the witch's kitchen was fun!
Maybe next time I will get there?

Me and ma homies in da house! ( or ward....)

Yow dude! How they hangin man!
I is a hot mama in ward J3 with all my homies close 2 me!
Me homie dude Ron
he's 95 an goin strong
me homie bitch Bette
evry moment she forgets
me new girl Gladys
whose full of bitchin arthritis
me mum who wont be walkin
and silly things she be talkin...
me and me homies had some fun tonight
we talked some shit
and had a laugh
and then I said goodnight...

Another twist and turn in the dementia circus tent....

Well, we can now kiss the lovely little organised care facility at Tinonee Gardens goodbye as mum has been jacked up to "High Level Care" requirements.
We are back at square one now looking for nursing homes that can accomodate her needs.
Mum is still refusing to stand, complaining about pain, so they have been giving her more pain relief which is allowing her to sleep.
She seemed more settled today and back to her old complaining self.
I am going back shortly to help with her evening meal as she is not really eating much of what they give her...mind you it is probably the first time in weeks where she has consistantly had hot food three times a day.
I am now on the down hill run with providing help in this situation - from Monday my brother is on his own. I will help with whatever I can before and after work and try to visit her depending on where she goes.But for two weeks my hands are tied.

On the other side of the coin...
I will once again be exhibiting in July at SOAG ( Society of Artists Gallery at Tighes Hill ) the curators have chosen three of my paintings including "Stroud Monastery" as the pieces that they wish to show - thanks Jen!

Did I say that I had things organised?

Well...I am up shit creek alright.
Mum is proving to be a handful still playing games in between bouts of dementia.
She has been up all night moving the furniture in the hospital as she believes she is at home and is looking for her stuff - then she is refusing to walk or get up out of her chair because she has back pain.
She tells me that they are not giving her her pills which will make her walk, but when I show her her charts to say that she is getting her medication she blames me for making her into an idiot and putting her in the hospital.
She is now angry ( thanks for warning me Jade ) and blames me for her plight.
My job is to just take her home and be there for her 24/7.
That will solve the problem.
I am sure it would....
SO respite wont touch her at the moment and paperwork is being "tooed and froed" while I pick up and wash various bits of underwear and try and reorganised what has already been organised, look at nursing home vacancies, see doctors and deal with mum.
Family is coming a poor second at the moment.

So we must wait until tomorrow to see what happens next...

The good, the bad and bloody hell where am I?

Exhausted.
The respite Care is all organised. Now we wait for mum to be discharged which could happen today so I will see the doctors and wait for the outcome.
I called in yesterday to find mum in bed with her shoes on and still in the same clothes she arrived in.Obviously nurses do not have time to bathe patients anymore or in my mums case lack of communication, so I dragged her kicking and screaming to a shower and stripped and showered her under great protest. She will not move out of a chair now, too scared to fall over which means that she has made herself bed ridden.
She told me that her legs hurt too much but she also smelt awful, so a shower it was and she felt better immediately.
I left her last night believing that she was at home and wondering what all these other people were doing wandering around HER house.No amount of explaining was sinking in.
So respite may not be such a shock after all - she may actually believe she is at home.
Her mental functions seem to be vanishing as I sit and watch her.
This is such a bizarre thing - like someone fading away. Her energies have changed and there is now a vacant spot where my mother used to be.
I cleaned out her fridge, sorted and washed clothes and packed some bags last night for her and they are in the car in case she can go into respite today. How do you sort through someones lifetime and allocate to them what is important.
I wonder if she will come home?
I wonder if she will remain on this level of functioning or will it slip even further?
I did not buy a ticket for this journey - but it is here and I am on the bus!

Meanwhile, I also received a call from the local "Post" magazine yesterday. It looks like they will be featuring me in "The Canvas" (meet the artist) in their paper on June 10th, in two weeks time.So I sent them a small blurb and some photos....cool!

Pic No?Which one is it now???

This is a potrait of my sister in law's companion, Stan. This guy is a gem and has just left to go back O.S. to, hopefully, finalise his bits and pieces and then return to Oz to spend the rest of his life with her.Stan worked very hard on our front yard before he left and he has a wicked sense of "living in the moment".I really hope to see him again and relish him being part of our famly.

Meanwhile, we are moving ahead with securing respite for my mum and I will be going today to sign some papers to get this happening. Can I mention that this was only achieveable because I "know the right people"....otherwise, I did not have a hope in hell. Mum was better when I visited her last night, but she was asking me "who were all those strange people wandering around the hospital - that they kept wanting things from me"...these are the nurses...
Five mintes later she asked me again, and five minutes later she asked me again...
How she will cope with the news that she is being "put into respite" is something we will tackle today. I see a huge dummy spit coming and really, who would blame her..how does one react when they realise that their life is no longer as they have known it to be? Also she has always thought that aged care = death.

I'm going to be in a Calendar!

No....dont get excited...I will NOT be wearing a bikini or in one of those "naked lady "calendars....oh bosh!I hear you say?????

I entered a local challenge from our Art Society to enter a Newcastle themed painting to win a space in a calendar that the Society is creating to raise money for itself and the Helicopter Rescue Service for 2010.
There were 43 painting presented last night at the general meeting of the Society and over 60 members voted.
I was lucky enough to receive enough votes to get a place!
YAY!!!!
A small win along the road.
It means that I will get some exposure!
The picture that won was of my "Stockton Ferry" ( check blackdogartworks )

Going to see mum today and find out some more stuff on how I can offer assistance for her...

Things change very quickly!

Well mum went into hospital yesterday as she has been complaining about pain in her back. She is not doing very well.
I have been with her today and her decline in mental awareness has been quite severe.
I know that being taken out of her environment does not help, but, it was quite obvious to me today that her abilities to look after herself in any sustained way dissapeared over the last 24 hours.
We cannot get to the bottom of the back pain problem. Some moments it is unbearable and in the next breath she is asking me to take her to the Club.
She also swore that she was not given any pain killers, so when I asked the nurse I was told that she had already received two doses today.
She is panicked,disoriented and very angry - she says that the staff are trying to kill her and she has been left all alone for days, yet she has only been there for 24hours.
This is all pretty awful and sad to see and made more complicated as she is now hardly speaking any English.
I feel sorry for her and I am sad that this was not investigated and taken care of earlier when she could still have had an input - but, she has been as bull headed as my brother in this regard, not heeding my pleas to get these matters sorted.This should have happened after my father died three years ago, now it is going to be a horrible mess with her stuck in the middle of it all.
Bugger.....

A Trekkie Feast!

Well, I DID go and see the Star Trek movie last night - it was a hoot.
Just the type that I love to watch at the movies ( which rarely go to any more ) lots of visual effects and lots of fun to watch.
Next week I am going to see "Angels and Demons" with a friend.
If you want to see a real tear jerker - go hire out "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith and buy a box of tissues.
If anyone has a copy of "The Others" I could borrow can you bring me in a copy?
I watched this movie many years ago and then spotted it on TV last week but only managed to watch a snippet and then deleted by mistake the copy that I made - I got really hooked into it this time and now "MUST SEE IT!"
Life is a bit sad when these are the most important things in my life at the moment...I guess this is just one layer of a much more complicated life.
Lazer Force and 15 teenagers to contend with this afternoon...glad its not at my house!

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!

No time for a headache now!

I have had a bad headache since Tuesday - a throbbing behind my eyeballs like hot metal pokers being inserted and removed.
This weather has been the culprit - it has not made it possible for me to paint or really want to do anything at all.
This weekend its all about Aleks...shopping this morning for this and that before she has a party/sleepover at a friend's place ( gee I wish I was 15! ) and then she comes home tomorrow for a rest and then her Lazer Zone party in the afternoon.

We might lash out and go to the movies tonight while the baby girl is away....
Which one?
"Star Trek" of course - it looks super cool!

Went to a funeral yesterday - in all that rain.
It was awful.The father of an old friend of mine had died.
Polish funerals make you want to kill yourself - all that bosh about paying for your sins and going to eternal salvation after death. Whining about praying for the poor unclean soul of the deceased...I know why the souls departs so quickly...before the church srevice there is the reciting of the rosary for the "repose of the soul"..now THAT would want to make you leave if nothing else....

New Pic - Stroud Monastery

I hope that I have done justice to one of Jen's photos. Just a few fine tuning bits and its done!
Update - Ok. I have just posted the finished image. Adjusted the door, put in the details and added the stained glass.
Now I am happy with it!
Thanks Jen for allowing me to paint your image.
I had a lot of fun and it was a challenge.
Thanks guys.

Blah, blah and then more blah!

Well, another day - I had to attend a meeting with my managers from Calendar Club (yes...I know I have said that I will not be doing it )but I was interested to see what they had to say.
There was a lot of blah..blah..blah..interspersed with, yet again, telling me that I may be "somewhat stale" within the position and that I could do with some training.
It is obviously still my fault that I had bad sales last season ( nothing to do with no parking and refurbishment of the centre, of course ) and nothing to do with the fact that I had no stock and only the shit that they send to the "regional stores".
Yet again I spoke my mind but they really were not interested, just telling me to pick up my game before the season starts...oh and NO STOOL!!!!!Forget about sitting down - apparently it gives the customers the feeling that I dont care if I am sitting down ( I thought that telling them to"fuck off" would be the thing that conveyed that message? )
Anyway, thank you very much..I enjoyed the coffee and I shall see you later...
Mwa....
then the afternoon with mummy..
She is 85 years old but tells me that she is 83.
Of course we had to go to the Club and then to Macca's - her two favourite places in the world.
So I sat at shouting distance from her while she played the pokies - I cannot venture too far as she forgets which buttons to press and proceeds to yell across the room until I run to her assistance. I also have to supply hot chocolate and dollar coins because she cannot put notes in the machine.
Usually a bottle of Strongbow cider lessens the humiliation of being "heralded" like a serf to attend my queen.
It was also dutifully announced to all and sundry that it was her birthday by her grabbing willy nilly at everyone who ventured within a foot of her.
Bless her!
Then it was off to Macca's where we enjoyed a half burger each and tea and half an apple pie which took approximately 45 minutes to eat.
In the meantime she complained about the weather, the clothes I was wearing, that she is lonely and that I should leave my family and move in and look after her, that the weather is horrible, that those naughty children running around are annoying her, that she is lonely, that I am not dressed properly, that the weather was bad, how amazing she is ....oh should I go on?
This state of affairs is quite sad indeed and I wonder how it will all proceed...but for now the day is over and I need another bottle of Strongbow!.

The joys of self promotion!

Today was "elf" promotion day with everyone getting an email to visit my art website, sending out a few emails and other bits and pieces that I have put off doing in an effort to get my art out there...as I walays say, it might be nice to have my babies at home but they are no good to me there.
Also I had a dream that I was holding a new baby last night - this is always a sign of a new project or new beginning starting....so I really pushed myself today.
I'm not too good at doing things like this - this part always lets me down.
Im not one for this side of things - maybe that's why I have never been "successful" at anything. I have managed to do things, to conquer the skills but then I fall flat never ever getting myself out there enough...it's just not me, I am the eternal wallflower preferring to blend into the wall rather than stand in the middle of the room.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Happy Birthday baby girl!

Miss Aleksandra has turned 15 today!
She took many cakes and biscuits to share at school today and we went to Macca's for hotcakes for a breakfast treat before school.
Tonight we are heading to a Japanese Restaurant for tea tonight ( that's pretty good for Aleks ) and so she is a happy girl.
This weekend we have a "biggin" with Aleks sleeping over at another friend's place who is having a party on Saturday and then on Sunday we will be hosting a LazerForce extravaganza!
Wish I was 15 again..... ( no I dont - couldn't go through my childhood again!!!!I am still trying to get over the scars )

Eurovision "Take 2" Did I mention Sticky Date Pudding?

Yes, sticky date pudding with Caramel Sauce......and perogi and cherry vodka.
Thank God it ended at 9.30 cause I was comatose by 10pm.....
Tonight we have part two - last night was pretty tame except for a Freddie Mercury look alike wannabe in a superhero outfit and another guy in white leather....
in the mean time.....
This is my Stockton Ferry piccy...this was another really difficlt one on a larger canvas which always scares the crap out of me, but I perservered.
This one has taken me about a week with moments of panic and procrastination layered in between...

Cherry Vodka and Pierogi Night tonight!

Well, its Eurovision tonight on SBS and we will be glued to the screen to watch this extravaganza of bad taste and dreadful music!
Eurovision never dissapoints - its always a hoot and not being able to understand what they are singing just adds to the fun.
Also you must always listen carefully to the commentary - those guys are crazy!
So the Cherry Vodka and Perogi ( stuffed Polish style dumplings fried in butter and covered in sour cream ) will be on the menu.It took me three hours to make them yesterday!
Oh, just can't wait!

Happy Mother's Day from Aleks

Aleks did this fanastic picture for me for Mother's Day - she has more talent in her little finger than I will ever have!
And my big girl got me much needed slippers and house socks which I am wearing as I write!
Thanks girls....
and did I do any dishes?
Of course I did....
but not all of them.

Happy Mother's Day to you all !

Well tomorrow is supposed to be our 'day of rest' - ho hum!
So what do we do? We cook and clean and prep in advance - double the work load today so that we can get not to do anything tomorrow and hope that we may just get something more that pj's or ugg boots - because that is apparently what all mothers want ( thats what all the shops seem to have ).
I wont be getting a jot - told family not to bother, just a day together will be fine for me and only one request...
NO WASHING UP.
NONE.
NOT ONE PLATE, KNIFE, FORK...NOTHING.
Enjoy your special day ladies!

Ouchy..ouch...ouch

Love the rain...but it is quite foul for my neck and shoulders.
So, in much pain today with heat packs dotting various parts of my body.
Quite an attractive site indeed.

Do these look good enough to eat?

The Circus of lost souls presents.....

blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah etc..etc...etc...
I wont bore you all with how I am really feeling...needless to say that my head feels like it has been bitten off, chewed up by a foul mouthed bottom dwelling arse licking troll and then spat out into a pool of human excrement.

New Art works

I finished this one yesterday - was working on it at Stroud.
Also check out my daughters latest work in my side bar - bloody good eh?
I am very proud of her.

Brief weekend at Stroud

Well, I too spent some time at the Monastery at Stroud.
I had to put in some paintings to the Dobell Art show at Rathmines ( did not win )and hubby was going out for a work smoko night on Friday so I headed up to the Monastery on Saturday morning.
I must admit that the place is a little too quiet for me - I have come to understand myself as being more the "flashing lights and ringing bells" type of person - all that deep solitude does my head in...
but, none the less, we had a great time away and I had a marvelous game on Trivial Pursuit with Heidi ( while the other stick in the muds who would not play decided that they knew all the answers and kept on trying to butt in!!!)We certainly had a laugh.
Stroud is not the capital of "fun".
It has four main shops with a pub and grocery store that also sells spirits ( thank the Gods ).But the main intention to head that way is for the companionship of your friends and time to sit and think (or paint) or read in peace and quiet.
Not being able to text is a strange experience as is not having some "sound" on such as a t.v. or music....an interesting experiment indeed.

I chose mother superior's bedroom for the evening repose, but got little sleep with my bed being most uncomfortable, therefore requiring me to get up and choose a couch in the main room area for the rest of the night and proping myself and sore shoulder up on pillows...maybe the dear nun had it in for me and did not want me in her sanctuary in the first place...I DID dream of Tom Cruise...I think he was trying to convert me..